The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

#bar #changes #percentage #males #females #australia #period

The chart illustrates the proportion of overweighted

men

and women in Australia

across

Change preposition

from

show examples

the

Change the article

apply

show examples

1980 to 2010. It is clearly shown that the percentage of

obese

Correct article usage

the obese

show examples

population is slowly rising over the years with higher

prevenlence

Correct your spelling

prevalence

Change preposition

among

show examples

men

. For

men

, there were exactly 40% of overweight

men

in 1980 which climbed up sharply to over 60% in 2000,

then

it dropped slightly but still maintained a high percentage of 60% in 2010. For women, the proportion of women having the weight problem is

noticebly

Correct your spelling

noticeably

smaller than that compared to the

men

across the years. It started off with approximately a quarter of the population in 1980, rising rapidly to

overly

Change the word

over

show examples

half of the population in 2000. It has remained static at over 50% since 2000.

Submitted by hardychau on Wed Jul 10 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Add some linking words.

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Linking words: Add more linking words.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

126 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The provided bar chart depicts the changes in the percentage of overweight males and females in Australia over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, it is mandatory for school children to wear uniforms. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today's fast paced world, many individuals struggle with delaying or positioning tasks Dicuss causes of this and suggest an effective solution to overcome it

In today’s digital age, anyone with a smartphone can capture and share photographs. this accessibility to photography diminishes the value of professional photographers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?