Some people believe that the the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs . Other believe that there are much wider benefits of university education for both individual and society . Discuss both views and give your opinion .

There is no denying the fact that
education
is the main base of
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
developement
Correct your spelling
development
process which makes it the most substantial target to achieve high levels
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that the
university
's
education
aim is to
assisst
Correct your spelling
assist
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
graduates get better jobs, there is
also
an argument that
university
education
benefits are much
vaster
Correct word choice
greater
show examples
for both society and individuals.
This
essay will analyse
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,
universities
Change noun form
universities'
university's
show examples
first priority is to enable
students
to have
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
understanding
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
their major so they can easily adapt
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their work
feild
Correct your spelling
field
.
In other words
,
college
Fix the agreement mistake
colleges
show examples
dedicate all
it's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
resources to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
the best
education
quality to
it's
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
students
in order to, generate
proffecinal
Correct your spelling
professional
labors
Fix the agreement mistake
labor
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
society.
In addition
,
higher ranked
Add a hyphen
higher-ranked
show examples
universities strive to offer the best job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for their
attenders
Correct your spelling
attendees
show examples
.
For example
,
Harvared
Correct your spelling
Harvard
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
is the
second best
Add a hyphen
second-best
show examples
college in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
which has been known for two centuries that it does not accept anyone except for the elite, and
this
is not for nothing, but to guarantee the best choices for
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
students
.
On the other hand
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
of universities
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
not limited to occupation chances it awards to the student, but
also
the qualities and qualifications. It is
also
possible to say,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
characteristics we
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
from
college
Correct article usage
the college
show examples
phase
as well as
flexibility, perseveration, devotion, and patience make us better individuals ourselves as long
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
the
positively
Change the word
positive
show examples
treating we give to our society.
Moreover
,
university
affords us the
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
opportunity to spend our youth phase with both enjoyment and
benefit
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
acounted
Correct your spelling
accounted
together.
For instance
, researches show that
students
who dedicate time to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
life skills
such
as languages, and communications
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
particibating
Correct your spelling
participating
participation
in
university's
Correct article usage
the university's
show examples
various clubs
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
to be the most productive and thrilled people in real life. In conclusion, there are no easy
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
to
this
question. On balance,
however
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
tend to believe that the second argument fits my
percpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
more
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
comprehensive points, but
this
does not deny
validity
Correct article usage
the validity
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
other
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
.
Submitted by salmanasrnasr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, which is good. However, you should work on developing your points more comprehensively to fully support your arguments. Try to include more specific examples and evidence for each point you make.
task achievement
Yours points are generally clear, but there are occasional lapses in clarity and precision. Focus on maintaining clarity throughout your essay by proof-reading for any grammatical errors or awkward phrasing that could confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, making sure each paragraph has a single main idea. Use more cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly, such as 'furthermore' and 'on the contrary'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong. However, you can further enhance your logical structure by providing clearer transitions between your main points. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
You have successfully introduced the topic and provided a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your arguments.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as Harvard University, add relevance and weight to your points, even though they could be developed further.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: