The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.

#graphs #show #percentage #men #women #four #countries #information #features #compparisons

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The bar charts above

compares

Change the verb form

compare

show examples

the employment status of 60-64

years

Use synonyms

old

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

and

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

from 1970 to 2000

amongst

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show examples

4 countries, Belgium, the United

State

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States

show examples

, Japan and Australia. It is clearly stated that

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

generally have

higher

Correct article usage

a higher

show examples

employment rate than

female

Fix the agreement mistake

females

show examples

Although

Linking Words

the number of old

men

Use synonyms

being hired dropped from 1970 to 2000, there was no significant change in the number of hired old women at the same time. Across the countries, the number of employed

men

Use synonyms

with the age over 60 significantly dropped after 30

years

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. Belgium suffered the greatest reduction from nearly 80% to under 20%.

While

Linking Words

Australian employed

men

Use synonyms

halved from nearly 80% across the

years

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

Although

Alothough

Correct your spelling

Although

USA and Japan

didnt

Correct your spelling

didn't

witness

such

Linking Words

dramatic

Correct article usage

a dramatic

show examples

decline,

USA

Change noun form

USA's

show examples

working

men

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

reduced from over 70% to under 60% in 2000 and

Japan

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in Japan

show examples

working

men

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

witnessed a noticeable drop from over 85% to over 70% The

women

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women's

show examples

employment status remains relatively stable across the two

years

Use synonyms

. Belgium has the lowest hiring rate of under one-tenth across the

years

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, Australian women increased slightly from 16% to 18% in 2000.

Correct article usage

The US

show examples

only showed a 3% increase from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

36% in 1970. Japanese suffered a small reduction of 3% from 43%.

Submitted by hardychau on Wed Jul 10 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, men with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "reduction" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

201 words

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The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.

15-4 writing In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this be solved?

Some people believe that studying literature is important for individual character building while other think it is a waste of time. Discuss both points of view and provide your own opinion.

Some people say that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age of driving motorbikes or cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?