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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
#show #percentage #water #purpose #six #areas #world #summarise #information #features #comparions
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The pie charts
give
Verb problem
show
show examples
 the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 utilised
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various purposes
such
Linking Words
 as industrial
use
Use synonyms
, agricultural
use
Use synonyms
, and domestic
use
Use synonyms
 in six areas of the world - North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, Europe, Africa, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, 4 areas - South
America
Use synonyms
, South East
Asia
Use synonyms
, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and Africa witness the highest amount of
water
Use synonyms
 expenditure on agricultural
sectors
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Europe and North
America
Use synonyms
 spend the most
water
Use synonyms
 on industrial
sectors
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all areas spend
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 on domestic
use
Use synonyms
campare
Correct your spelling
compare
compared
 to other
sectors
Use synonyms
. It can
bee
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
 clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 North
America
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
Europes
Fix the agreement mistake
Europe
show examples
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 industry
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 53%, and
then
Linking Words
 around 39% is used in agriculture.
Further
Linking Words
, 13% of
water
Use synonyms
 usage in North
America
Use synonyms
, and 15% of
water
Use synonyms
 in Europe
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 used in domestic
sectors
Use synonyms
. On the
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, South
America
Use synonyms
, South East
Asia
Use synonyms
, Africa, and Central
Asia
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
 used
water
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
agricultural
Add an article
the agricultural
show examples
 sector, at 71%, 81%, 84%, and 88%, respectively.
Linking Words
While around
Correct word choice
Around
show examples
 9% of
water
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
is
show examples
 used in
demestic
Correct article usage
the demestic
show examples
sectosr
Correct your spelling
sector
sectors
, and around 12%
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is use
show examples
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 in
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, america, asia, sectors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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