IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#minutes #expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #information #features #comparisons
The given chart elucidates the amount of money that
had been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 used
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 three
categories
 by different
age
 groups of citizens in the UK in 2004. As can be seen from the chart, the figure for food and drink consumption increased moderately from the lowest
age
group
 which was below 30
years
 old to the highest
age
 association which was above 76
years
 old.
On the other hand
,the other two
categories
 witnessed a fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 citizens' expenditure.
Moreover
, the proportion of expenditure on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food and drink grew from 6
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 in the youngest
age
group
 to over 23
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the oldest
age
class
.
Nevertheless
, the percentage of total spending on entertainment saw an uprising from the under 30
years
 old
categories
 to the 61-75
years
 old
class
 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 shared the same highest point in
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
value that was spent in three kinds of
categories
,
then
 experienced a significant drop to 13
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the
last
 given
class
.
Last
 but not least, the proportion of restaurant and hotel investment dropped slightly from 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the first
group
then
 stayed unchanged in the next two groups at 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
then
 saw a
sharply
Change the adverb
sharp
show examples
 decline to its lowest point at 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
then
 grew to the same percentage of the first
group
 in the
last
 given
class
.
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words categories, age, group, years, percent, class with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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