IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The first pie chart illustrates
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 consumption percentage in an average Australian family
whereas
 the second pie chart illustrates the percentage of
greenhouse
gas
 emitted from those
energy
 consumption.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
, there are 8
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 for both pie charts consisting of heating, refrigerator, cooling, lighting and other appliances. Heating is the largest
energy
usage
 in any Australian family comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42% but contributes lesser
greenhouse
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 of 15% when compared to water heating where it contributes
almost
Add an article
an almost
show examples
 equal percentage of
energy
usage
 and
greenhouse
gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
30% and 32% respectively.
Although
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 only use 7% of
energy
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
emission
 of
greenhouse
gas
 is
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 which is at 14%.
Similarly
,
this
 is seen in
energy
 use in lighting and other appliances in which the
greenhouse
gas
emission
 percentages are actually double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
energy
usage
.
Howevever
Correct your spelling
However
, there is only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
 between
energy
usage
 and
greenhouse
gas
emission
 in cooling
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Submitted by coke_sars on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, usage, emission with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: