IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The first pie chart illustrates
Use synonyms
energy
Correct article usage
the energy
show examples
 consumption percentage in an average Australian family
whereas
Linking Words
 the second pie chart illustrates the percentage of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 emitted from those
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
, there are 8
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
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 for both pie charts consisting of heating, refrigerator, cooling, lighting and other appliances. Heating is the largest
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in any Australian family comprising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42% but contributes lesser
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 of 15% when compared to water heating where it contributes
almost
Add an article
an almost
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 equal percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 of
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
30% and 32% respectively.
Although
Linking Words
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 only use 7% of
energy
Use synonyms
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
emission
Use synonyms
 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
 is
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
 which is at 14%.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is seen in
energy
Use synonyms
 use in lighting and other appliances in which the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission
Use synonyms
 percentages are actually double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
.
Howevever
Correct your spelling
However
, there is only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
differences
Fix the agreement mistake
difference
show examples
 between
energy
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 and
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emission
Use synonyms
 in cooling
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
.
Submitted by coke_sars on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, usage, emission with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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