It is believed that people are suffering from loads of health problems because of consuming too much fast food. Some people hold a thought that education should take responsibility for this phenomenon while others contradict with this opinion Discuss both of them and give your own point of view

#people #loads #health #food #thought #education #responsibility #phenomenon #point

It is true that, these days people suffer many

hearth

Correct your spelling

heart

show examples

problems

due to

fast

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

. Some

community

Fix the agreement mistake

communities

show examples

say that

this

is an

education

liability

while

others believe

this

is not an

education

burden.

This

essay will discuss ll both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, eating

junk

foods

frequently can create many diseases, and

education

sectors should take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility to diminish

this

adverse phenomenon. Schools should teach

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

healthy

foods

to their students and the administration

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

to be

check

Wrong verb form

checked

show examples

coupled with

Correct article usage

a moniter

show examples

moniter

Correct your spelling

monitor

to student's lunch

box

Fix the agreement mistake

boxes

show examples

whether they eat healthy

foods

or not, and

as a result

, they force to their parents cook healthy

meals

at home.

For example

education

changes

Change preposition

apply

show examples

learner's

Change noun form

learners'

show examples

food

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

from fast foodstuff to healthy, not only

they

Add a missing verb

do they

show examples

eat healthy

meals

but

also

they have to change

this

society by ignoring

junk

foods

Then

education

plays a key role

Change preposition

show examples

reducing the level of fast

foods

Change the noun form

food

show examples

consumption.

In contrast

this

is not

Change the article

show examples

educational burden because

its

Correct your spelling

it's

show examples

purely

individual's

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

choice

what

Change preposition

of what

show examples

they eat or not.

education

leads to the correct path

Change preposition

for

show examples

learners,

besides

whether eat or not is

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their personal decisions

coupled with

preferences.

This

means many affluent society persons eat more

junk

meals

because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

they have neither interest

Change preposition

show examples

cooking at home nor time, so

this

also

based on the population's income and

statul

Correct your spelling

status

than studies.

For instance

, fast food's cost is cheaper than healthy

meals

, so, many youngsters prefer to consume unhealthy foodstuff even

they

Correct word choice

though they

show examples

are educated and they know very well about the consequences.

Therefore

, it's purely

Correct article usage

an individual's

show examples

individual's

Change noun form

individual

show examples

decisions

Fix the agreement mistake

decision

show examples

and

choices

Fix the agreement mistake

choice

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

education

motivates learners

eat

Add the particle

to eat

show examples

healthy

foods

instead

of unhealthy, and it

start

Change the verb form

starts

show examples

from schools,

individual's

Change noun form

individual

show examples

preferences and choices are the primary liable

eating

Change preposition

for eating

show examples

fast

foods

However

, in my opinion, about

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

this

education

can alter

this

society from eating

Junk

foods

to healthy

meals

and it is more liability to reduce

this

phenomenon.

Submitted by reanudeepan on Thu Jul 11 2024

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General quality improvement

Ensure that all sentences are fully developed and contribute to the main argument. The essay contains some unclear phrases and minor grammatical errors that should be avoided to enhance clarity.

Technical quality improvement

Strengthen your examples to support your key points. While the essay does contain relevant examples, they can be made more specific and detailed to better illustrate the arguments.

Coherence/Cohesion

Work on paragraph transitions to improve overall flow and coherence. This will help the essay to read more smoothly and ensure that each point logically leads to the next.

Task response

The essay successfully covers both viewpoints mentioned in the prompt and gives a personal opinion.

Coherence/Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, clearly setting up and wrapping up the discussion.

Coherence/Cohesion

The essay has a clear logical structure with points organized into separate paragraphs, which helps to maintain coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

331 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is believed that people are suffering from loads of health problems because of consuming too much fast food. Some people hold a thought that education should take responsibility for this phenomenon while others contradict with this opinion Discuss both of them and give your own point of view

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

some feel that cities shold be designed to be beautiul while others feel their functionality is more important discuss both sides and your opinion

Nowadays, many people change jobs quite regularly, rather than working in the one company for their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their workers?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?