In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the United Kingdom, most of the elderly generation prefers to live in
a
retirement accommodation Correct article usage
apply
along with
people from their age group. This
stay includes their shelter, meals and medical treatments. I believe that government
should be liable for their stay in the residence.
Correct article usage
the government
Initially
, citizens
look upto
local authorities for their second home as it is a Correct your spelling
up to
cheap
option than private vendors. When an individual is employed, they pay hefty taxes to the Correct word choice
cheaper
government
for the betterment of the society. These funds are secured well in advance so as
Correct word choice
that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
could
be utilized at a later stage. Wrong verb form
can
Moreover
, its
primary responsibility of the winning power Change the word
the
to
Add a missing verb
is to
burry
issues of their Correct your spelling
bury
citizens
. In some countries, government
deducts special incentives for the needy people. Add an article
the government
Government
should include these expenses in their budget as it commences equality for senior Correct article usage
The government
citizens
. They can subsidise food and medicines from multiple organizations to cut-off
the expenses. Correct your spelling
cut off
Additionally
, medical workers can be onboarded from prestigious hospitals for personal support.
On the other hand
, families should take out
time to visit them regularly. Change preposition
apply
This
will boost mental stability, peace and harmony among each other. Not only that, they should enquire if any special assistance is required for their smooth transition.
In conclusion, I opine that government
should primarily take care of senior Correct article usage
the government
citizens
in the
retirement shelters. Correct article usage
apply
Working
class Correct article usage
The working
pay
taxes to the municipal corporations, which can be utilized for these sectors. Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
While
government
should cover expenses for the operation in those shelters, acquaintances should meet them Correct article usage
the government
on
regularly for emotional satisfaction.¬Change preposition
apply
Submitted by anmolkashyap68 on
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task achievement
While the ideas presented in the essay are relevant and address the prompt, there should be more specific examples to support the main points. Integrating real-life instances or stories can enhance the clarity of arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay exhibits a logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Try using a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure coherence across paragraphs.
grammar
Proofread for minor grammatical and lexical errors that slightly detract from readability. For instance, 'look upto' should be 'look up to' and 'burry' should be 'bury'.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and serve their purposes well, establishing the essay's stance and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides a balanced view, suggesting both governmental responsibility and the importance of family visits.
task achievement
The writer has shown the ability to discuss the reasons for their viewpoint, giving insights into tax contributions and governmental responsibilities.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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