IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

You want to ask for a pay increase after a year working in your company because of your great contribution to your team. Write an email to the Human Resources Department: Saying why you deserve a pay rise Explaining what next benefits you are able to bring for your company Stating your long-term career goals of continuous cooperation in your company

#pay #year #company #contribution #team #email #resources #department #rise #career #goals #cooperation
Dear Human Resources Department, I'm TungHN - a senior software engineer who is currently in charge of
technical
Correct article usage
the technical
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 development ABC project. I'm writing to you in order to ask you about increasing payment and provide you
more
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with more
show examples
 information about my contribution to our company. In the
last
 year, I have successfully delivered 2
project
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projects
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 which is CDF,
GHF
Correct word choice
and GHF
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 (which
is
Wrong verb form
were
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 known as impossible to handle when my department
firstly
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first
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 received its documentation) on time with our important customer in
Japanese
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Japan
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.
Moreover
, my contribution can be seen
on
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in
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 seminars and training
session
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sessions
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 that I held for junior
member
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members
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. With
these
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this
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 base, I strongly believe that I can perform even better
in
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apply
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this
 year as a senior member or as a technical leader to
delivery
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deliver
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 difficult
task
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tasks
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 and training and
guiding for
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guide
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 the next generation of our company. In conclusion,
hopefully
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hopefully,
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 contribution that I have provided above is enough information for you to take my salary
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
 request into consideration. If you need any
further
 information, please contact me
through
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at
show examples
 [email protected]. Thanks and best
regard
Fix the agreement mistake
regards
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, TungHN
Submitted by ieltsmeister.academic on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs to make the email more cohesive.
task achievement
Work on the grammatical and syntactical accuracy for clearer and more professional communication.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples of your contributions to the company, which supports your request for a pay increase.
coherence cohesion
The email includes a clear and appropriate introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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