Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. iIn this a posetive or negative development?
In
Change preposition
This
this
days
many Change to a genitive case
day's
schools
discovered it profitable to offer junk food
and sugary drinks to puipls
during Correct your spelling
pupils
the
lunch breaks.
Modern Correct article usage
apply
life
has a many development
almost everywhere it Change to a plural noun
developments
effects
Replace the word
affects
schools
too. People try to make their life
easy which is hard to explain and define it. Generally
most of the Add a comma
Generally,
schools
offer unhealth
foods and a lot of soda drinks. Correct your spelling
unhealthy
They
are so many disadvantages young children can get Correct pronoun usage
There
this
kind of food
. For exmple
Correct your spelling
example
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
describes
that student jungle Correct subject-verb agreement
describe
food
habitants
are going up every day. Correct your spelling
habitats
However
Add a comma
However,
another
statistics shows that Correct quantifier usage
other
who
can eat Correct pronoun usage
those who
this
kind of food
their brain works slowly thanCorrect pronoun usage
those
with
Change preposition
apply
them
.
Correct pronoun usage
it
Also
researcher is not able to find where come
Verb problem
apply
this
product.
Their gene Add a missing verb
is.
is
not clear Correct subject-verb agreement
are
for
Change preposition
to
Correct your spelling
scientific
scienstic
If Correct your spelling
scientific
person
can eat Add an article
a person
the person
the
daily Correct article usage
apply
life
, it could be case
of brain cancer in the future .
Add an article
a case
the case
On the other
hand
some parents are really busy Add a comma
hand,
their
daily Change preposition
in their
life
. They can not provide food
their
children for school every day. Junk and soda drinks to help their Change preposition
for their
life
easier and take responsibility. Take a look at Azerbaijani is
public Unnecessary verb
apply
schools
90% of people are workers different
Change preposition
in different
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
place
. Humans work at least eight hours. They don’t have any chance to prepare Fix the agreement mistake
places
food
cute
kids. On Change preposition
for cute
this
ground
profitable foods are Add a comma
ground,
best
way.
All in Change the article
the best
all
every day Add a comma
all,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
has
their own principal to make their decision. We can not think only Correct subject-verb agreement
have
our
profit. Change preposition
of our
Ones
profit Correct pronoun usage
One
hsve
to Correct your spelling
has
serve
serve children’s health. In Azerbaijani famous proverbs Verb problem
apply
says
we can build skyscrapers on the sand on the sand.Correct subject-verb agreement
say
Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay better. Ensure that arguments are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples. For instance, aim for clearer paragraphing and linkage between ideas.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points. Explain your arguments more comprehensively and provide concrete examples to support your claims. For example, you might discuss specific health issues linked to junk food consumption in detail.
relevance
You've identified a clear topic and attempted to discuss both positives and negatives of the issue.
support
You have introduced relevant statistical references, which adds a level of credibility to your arguments, even if they need more specificity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.