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Band 5

The working week should be shorter, and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
In the
company
,
work
hour
 is part of the workload, and rules that every worker
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to complete before they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
return
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home. Every
employee
 has different
work
hours
 and some corporations give weekend overtime. Some people believe that it is essential to
employee
 acquire sufficient
rest
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
 and have holiday
time
.
In
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 essay will discuss why sufficient
rest
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
is
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 essential for
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 than working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
long
hours
 every day. First and foremost, the
employee
 is human and their power every
week day
Correct your spelling
weekday
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 been taken by working in
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
.
Thus
, they
also
 need to take a
rest
instead
 of still contemplating with many documents
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the desk every
hours
Change to a singular noun
hour
show examples
.
However
, some ventures have their standard
work
hours
 and force the
individuals
 to
keep
Verb problem
remain
show examples
 productive
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their job desk
although
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
holiday
time
.
For example
 in
logistics
Correct article usage
a logistics
show examples
company
, manpower and
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 continue working on the weekend to keep the accuracy of the system and goods in warehouses. Regarding the standard operation of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
, if the
work
-
hour
 system continues for a longer
time
, it will reduce the creativity and performance of employees, and their
work
 productivity will gradually decline
for
Change preposition
due to
show examples
burn out
Correct your spelling
burnout
show examples
 and not spending
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient
time
 to boost their stress outside of
work
 environment. The more
individuals
stress
Wrong verb form
are stressed
show examples
 and pressured
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 an enormous number of
jobdesk
Correct your spelling
job desks
 and
work
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
, the less
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will have the creativity and best performance towards their position.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
company
 can tackle the low inspiration
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
 through the
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance system.
This
 made
individuals
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enjoy
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
work
 and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 productive in the goal of
complete
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
 their project.
In addition
, the
individuals
 will
positive
Change the word
positively
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
level up their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and the balance of
life
 from
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 will beneficial for
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
 to obtain
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
 who can develop their industry and environment to pursue the
company
’s target. In conclusion, the
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance is crucial to make worker keep their performance and quality in
work
. The longer
work
hours
 will hinder their creativity and inspiration to complete their tasks. The
employee
 should receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient
time
 for
rest
 on the weekend to enjoy their
life
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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grammar and mechanics
Make sure to use consistent and correct tense throughout the essay. For example, 'work hour is part of the workload' should be 'work hours are part of the workload.'
vocabulary
Try to avoid repetitive phrases and use varied vocabulary to enhance readability. For instance, 'their power every week day had been taken' can be rephrased as 'their energy is drained every weekday,'
task achievement
Use specific, concrete examples to support your points. For instance, provide a real-life example or statistic about a company that reduced work hours and saw improved productivity.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the overall argument effectively.
coherence
Key points are logically structured and lead the reader through the argument naturally.
content
The essay addresses the topic of work hours versus sufficient rest hours, discussing both sides of the argument adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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