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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information on the percentage of Canadians who gave money to charitable organisations by age range for the years 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information on the percentage of Canadians who gave money to charitable organisations by age range for the years 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart provides information on the proportion of Canadians who donated
money
Use synonyms
 to
charities
Use synonyms
 by different
age
Use synonyms
 groups for the years 2000 and 2015. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, a higher percentage of Canadians donated
money
Use synonyms
 to
charities
Use synonyms
 in 2000 compared to 2015. The most charitable
age
Use synonyms
 groups were the middle-aged and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and the least charitable were the youngsters. In 2000, a greater number of
people
Use synonyms
 gave
money
Use synonyms
 to
charities
Use synonyms
 compared to 2015. The youngest
age
Use synonyms
 group (18-24) donated 20% of
money
Use synonyms
 in 2000
while
Linking Words
 less than 15% gave
money
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
This
Linking Words
 was
also
Linking Words
 true for those aged between 25 to 34. Nearly 30% of
people
Use synonyms
 donated in 2000
whereas
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number declined to 25% in 2015. Canadians aged between 35 to 49 donated more in 2015 compared to younger
Use synonyms
age-groups
Correct your spelling
age groups
show examples
. Around 35% of
people
Use synonyms
 gave
money
Use synonyms
 to
charities
Use synonyms
 compared to only 10% of youngsters (18-24).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the older
age
Use synonyms
- groups donated more in 2015 than
2000
Change preposition
in 2000
show examples
. Those aged 50-64 gave nearly 40% of
Use synonyms
money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
show examples
 in 2015 which was more than 5% in 2000.
In addition
Linking Words
, the oldest
age
Use synonyms
 group (65 and over)
also
Linking Words
 gave more
money
Use synonyms
 in 2015 which was about 35% compared to 2000 which was around 33%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, charities, age, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • age range
  • charitable organisations
  • fluctuates
  • notable changes
  • participation
  • considerable decrease
  • contrast
  • consistent increase
  • middle age groups
  • peak
  • notable drop
  • shift
  • financial priorities
  • economic circumstances
  • demographic
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