The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should •

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should  •
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
bar chart depicts the status of the
Heart
Use synonyms
Attacks
due to
Linking Words
one year in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, divided
according to
Linking Words
the gender (
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
) and the
age
Use synonyms
groups (29-44, 45-64, 65+). At first sight, it's seen
explisitly
Correct your spelling
explicitly
, that
men
Use synonyms
are suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
attacks more than
women
Use synonyms
, and for
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
it's a very young disease.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group, 29-44, there are almost a
men
Use synonyms
alone, 123
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
and only 3
thousands
Use synonyms
of
women
Use synonyms
who have a
such
Linking Words
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
problem.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in the
age
Use synonyms
group of 45-64, we can see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
rapid increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of patients with infarction in both genders - 424
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
and 136
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. In the third
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
we can see an interesting
phenomen
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomena
. The amount of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
, who suffer from
Use synonyms
heart
Add an article
a heart
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
,
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
Correct your spelling
stable
staible
Correct your spelling
stable
, without significant changes (440
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
), but the number of
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
patients
grows
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
Change preposition
by
show examples
up
Change preposition
by
show examples
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
three hold and
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
show examples
achieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
huge number of 374
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
thousands
Correct your spelling
thousand
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a cases
Correct the article-noun agreement
cases
a case
show examples
. In conclusion, we can see, that
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
have to pay a lot of attention to their
heart
Use synonyms
health from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
very young
age
Use synonyms
, and
women
Use synonyms
have much more free time - up to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
45
Change preposition
of 45
show examples
.
Submitted by anastasia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, men, women, age, thousands with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: