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Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that w ill be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
There are some groups of individuals who contends that
students
 in tertiary education should only
be allows
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be allowed
show examples
 to learn
scicence
Correct your spelling
science
 and
technology
 as it
woud
Correct your spelling
would
 benefit the nation,
however
, there are opposing
group
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groups
show examples
 saying that
student
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students
show examples
 should
be allows
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be allowed
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 to pursue whichver
studies
 they like because it will contribute to diversity of society. On the
on
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one
show examples
 hand, the are various reasons for universities to
offers
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offer
show examples
 courses that will
useful
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be useful
show examples
 in the
future
. In my perspective, courses
such
 as medicine, engineering and information
technology
provides
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provide
show examples
 job opportunities, career progress, better
salary
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salaries
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 and improvement of
quality
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the quality
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 of life of the
students
 in the
future
.
Besides
, by forcing people to choose
studies
 related to science and
technology
,
Correct article usage
the governmet
show examples
governmet
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 can ensure that
skills
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the skills
show examples
 and knowledge
gap
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gaps
show examples
 in
the
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apply
show examples
society can be covered.
Finally
,
by
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apply
show examples
focusing
students
into
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in
show examples
such
 courses would
contributing
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contribute
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 to
the
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apply
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economy
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economic
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 growth, new
invention
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inventions
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, and greater
future
 prosperity.
On the other hand
, in my opinion,
students
 should have the
freewill
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free will
show examples
 to pursue any area of
studies
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study
show examples
 they want.
This
 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 it will benefit the
soceity
Correct your spelling
society
 if
students
 are passionate about their work.
Besides
, one cannot be sure
that
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apply
show examples
which areas of
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be sought after in the
future
. It could be that the employers are seeking
for
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apply
show examples
creativity rather than practical and technical skills.
Therefore
, it might as well that
students
 pursue art
studies
such
 as art, history and philosophy than of
sciend
Correct your spelling
science
 and
technology
. In conclusion,
although
, studying science and
technological
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technology
show examples
 has its own
pro
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pros
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but
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apply
show examples
I certainly believe that pursuing own passion will create
a
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apply
show examples
more diverse and
stress free
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stress-free
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 citizens and more happier society.
Submitted by coke_sars on

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grammar
Work on grammatical mistakes and spelling errors. Simple mistakes such as 'allows' should be 'allowed', 'scicence' should be 'science', and so on, can lead to a lower overall impression.
task response
For a better task response, ensure that each point is supported by specific examples. For example, mention particular careers or advancements that might result from focusing on science and technology.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring each paragraph follows a clear structure: one main idea supported by relevant subpoints and specific examples.
vocabulary
Use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. This will help to convey ideas more precisely and make the essay more engaging.
task response
Good understanding of the task. You discussed both sides and provided a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs contain clear main ideas which are generally easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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