Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#schools #responsibility #children #junk #food #parent

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Since

Change preposition

Due

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the increased prevalence of processed food items among

children

Use synonyms

, health has become one of the gravest global concerns.

While

Linking Words

some individuals claim that educational institutes should address

this

Linking Words

problem, others believe that parents should take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility.

Nevertheless

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, I firmly am of the view that it is

parent

Use synonyms

's primary duty to monitor their

children

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's eating

habits

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by actively participating in their daily routines.

This

Linking Words

essay explores the reasons supporting why a proportion of society renders the issue as

school's

Correct article usage

the school's

show examples

responsibilty

Correct your spelling

responsibility

and why the remainder reckons

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

otherwise

Linking Words

. On the one hand, very often people think that

school's

Change noun form

schools

show examples

should incorporate health education in

students

Use synonyms

' syllabus. To explain

this

Linking Words

idea, since teachers play an influential role in

students

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

students

Use synonyms

tend to learn a lot more in classrooms. Having said that, teachers should,

therefore

Linking Words

, utilise

such

Linking Words

opportunities to educate

students

Use synonyms

about the adverse effects of consuming unhealthy food .

For example

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, had the learning institutes organise seminars on

weekly

Add an article

a weekly

show examples

basis, focusing on ways to abstain from junk food,

students

Use synonyms

would begin implementing them, which would ultimately improve their lifestyles.

Hence

Linking Words

, owing to the

educationists

Change to a genitive case

educationist's

educationists'

show examples

impactful personalities, they should harness their potential skill in grooming

children

Use synonyms

habits

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

Use synonyms

parent's

Change noun form

parents

show examples

are solely in charge of their

children

Use synonyms

's lifestyle. To elaborate on

this

Linking Words

, not only are parents aware of their

children

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's practices, but

also

Linking Words

are able to observe them throughout the day.

In other words

Linking Words

, it is obvious that

students

Use synonyms

spend a larger fraction of their time at home,

due to

Linking Words

which they are under

parent

Use synonyms

's surveillance continuously;

consequently

Linking Words

, they are able to interfere

their

Change preposition

with their

show examples

children

Use synonyms

whenever they opt to eat junk .

For instance

Linking Words

parent

Use synonyms

involvment

Correct your spelling

involvement

and participation in

children

Use synonyms

's lives gives them an insight into the position and the

habits

Use synonyms

of their

children

Use synonyms

, which allows them to reform and reshape their

children

Use synonyms

accordingly

Linking Words

Thus

Linking Words

parent

Use synonyms

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

authority

Change preposition

over

show examples

their

children

Use synonyms

's eating

habits

Use synonyms

and should be held responsible for them. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

many people underline the importance of school in promoting

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

diet, others advocate that

Use synonyms

parent's

Change the noun form

parents

parent

show examples

provide better nourishment in

this

Linking Words

matter.

Nonetheless

Linking Words

, I believe that

parent

Use synonyms

's dedication and continuous presence

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

of paramount importance that

cultivates

Wrong verb form

cultivating

show examples

and

reinforces

Wrong verb form

reinforcing

show examples

children

Use synonyms

habits

Use synonyms

. Blended learning can be useful in solving

such

Linking Words

problems as well.

Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on Fri Jul 12 2024

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clarity

Try to reduce the use of complex sentence structures that can lead to grammatical errors and make sentences difficult to understand. Simplifying sentences will make your ideas clearer.

task response

Make sure all arguments are fully developed and supported with specific examples or explanations. Currently, some points could benefit from more detail to enhance the overall argument.

task response

You have provided a thorough discussion of both viewpoints, effectively addressing the task.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion, enhancing readability.

cohesion

You have mostly maintained a logical flow of ideas with effective use of cohesive devices like 'nevertheless,' 'on the other hand,' and 'hence.'

18
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

377 words

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Schools have the social responsibility to discourage children from eating junk food. Others think it is the parent's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It must be a woman who stays at home to care for children. Men are not suited to this kind of work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Labour-saving devices such as dishwashers and communication tools such as computers are supposed to make our lives easier. However, some people argue that these devices only make them more difficult. Does modern technology reduce or increase stress?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?