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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many claims that the fast-food industry had a negative effect on the environment, eating habits, and families. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#claims #fast-food #industry #effect #environment #habits #families
Undoubtedly, with time passing, fast
food
 become one of the
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
 meal
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
choices
 in our daily lives.
Wheareas
Correct your spelling
Whereas
 some
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 look upon the
fast-
food
industry
 had a negative effect on our lives and
environment
, others refer to it as something with
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 effect. As for my perspective, I am in favour of the former, and the reasons will be elaborated on
thoroughtly
Correct your spelling
thoroughly
 as follows. For
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, the
fast-
food
industry
generate
Change the verb form
generates
show examples
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
show examples
amount
 of
waste
,
hence
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to pollution and landfill overflow.
That is
,
brining
Correct your spelling
bringing
show examples
 the huge
amount
 of packaging and
food
waste
, the
fast-
food
industry
 makes our earth face the
inviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 risk. Based on a study from National Taiwan University, in 1999, only three landfills
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 enough to deal with the
waste
 made by
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 county.
However
, in 2020, we need six
landfille
Correct your spelling
landfill
landfills
landfilled
 to solve the
waste
 in Taiwan, and 50% was generated by the
fast-
food
industry
.
This
also
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 the
airpolution
Correct your spelling
air pollution
,
damage
Wrong verb form
damaging
show examples
 our
environment
.
Furthermore
, fast
food
shope
Correct your spelling
shop
 providing unhealthy and
low cost
Add a hyphen
low-cost
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 brings
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 to people. To be more specific, fast
food
 gradually
replace
Correct subject-verb agreement
replaces
show examples
 homemade
food
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
 leading to poor eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. Take my uncle as an example, he is a businessman who
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 busy and looking for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 diet in his daily life,
therefore
,
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
 become his best
options
Fix the agreement mistake
option
show examples
.
However
, after
consume
Change the verb form
consuming
show examples
 a huge
amount
 of unhealthy fat,
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
,
sodium
Correct word choice
and sodium
show examples
 in fast
food
, he
is be
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 found
out
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the heart disease and need to be more aware
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his daily diet. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, based on the aforementioned, the
fast-
food
industry
 had a bad impact on our
environment
, eating habits, and families,
due to
 the large
amount
 of
waste
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
generated and unhealthy
meal's
Change noun form
meal
show examples
ingredient
Fix the agreement mistake
ingredients
show examples
.
Submitted by je224493721 on

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task achievement
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'populer' should be 'popular', 'choise' should be 'choice', and so on.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear, you can refine your sentence structures for better clarity. For instance, 'fast food gradually replace homemade food by the unhealthy ingredient leading to poor eating habit' can be clearer as 'fast food gradually replaces homemade food with unhealthy ingredients, leading to poor eating habits.'
task achievement
Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. Some sentences shift from past to present inconsistently.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples and linking them more explicitly to your main points. This helps in making your response more comprehensive and convincing.
coherence cohesion
Better connect your paragraphs by using transition words and phrases. This enhances coherence and cohesion. For example, 'Additionally', 'Moreover', 'Consequently', etc.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your stance and summary effectively.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the case of your uncle, adds personal touch and relevance to your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed multiple aspects of the topic, including environmental impact and health concerns, showing a comprehensive approach to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported adequately, which helps in backing up your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Substantial amount of waste
  • Pollution and landfill overflow
  • Unhealthy fats, sugars, and sodium
  • Obesity and diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Family bonding
  • Communication
  • Establishing healthy eating habits
  • Intensive farming practices
  • Deforestation
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Depletion of natural resources
  • Advertising and marketing
  • Target children
  • Early-age addiction
What to do next:
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