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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
t
Correct your spelling
It
 is undeniable that citizens in several countries decide to move from the countryside to cities, and the rural population is decreasing.
This
 essay will examine why I believe it has both adverse and beneficial aspects before elaborating on supporting ideas. There are numerous benefits to
relocate
Wrong verb form
relocating
show examples
 to metropolises,
although
 the decreasing population number is presented in the countryside. The most essential one is job opportunity because the majority of careers which are paid with high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 are located in capitals or enormous cities.
This
 means that they may have a better life than their hometown. Top-ranked companies in the business area,
for example
, usually hire employees with greater money and has
the
Correct article usage
a
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 variety of works. Another reason is that there is an encouraging economy
due to
 the
rising
Replace the word
rise
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 of proficient workers. The massive
job
Correct quantifier usage
number of job
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 seekers,
consequently
, tend to move to
this
 area as an urbanization. Despite the aforementioned good explanations, there are various negatives to
this
 development. The first of which is overpopulation owing to
high
Add an article
the high
a high
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 density of citizens.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
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many people,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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resources
such
 as water, food, and electricity may be utilized rapidly.
This
 situation not only
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of fundamental needs but
also
 the garbage problem.
Furthermore
, the rural zone may be abandoned by some new generations and governments since it is not a priority to improve.
For instance
, some towns that should be heritage places do not receive the necessary support and end up being destroyed. In conclusion, even though a number of people who plan to start their lives in the major cities have advantages to society,
this
 statement
also
 has some drawbacks. If
governments
Add a verb
governments are
governments were
show examples
 concerned about their citizens, they would make the best choice.
Submitted by kickbox191 on

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advice
To improve task response, increase the number of specific examples that support your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
advice
Try to further develop your ideas to provide a more comprehensive discussion. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
advice
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and smooth transitions to increase coherence and cohesion. This helps in logically structuring your essay.
positive
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps frame your argument.
positive
You have addressed both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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