In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

t
Correct your spelling
It
is undeniable that citizens in several countries decide to move from the countryside to cities, and the rural population is decreasing.
This
essay will examine why I believe it has both adverse and beneficial aspects before elaborating on supporting ideas. There are numerous benefits to
relocate
Wrong verb form
relocating
show examples
to metropolises,
although
the decreasing population number is presented in the countryside. The most essential one is job opportunity because the majority of careers which are paid with high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
are located in capitals or enormous cities.
This
means that they may have a better life than their hometown. Top-ranked companies in the business area,
for example
, usually hire employees with greater money and has
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety of works. Another reason is that there is an encouraging economy
due to
the
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
of proficient workers. The massive
job
Correct quantifier usage
number of job
show examples
seekers,
consequently
, tend to move to
this
area as an urbanization. Despite the aforementioned good explanations, there are various negatives to
this
development. The first of which is overpopulation owing to
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
density of citizens.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many people,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources
such
as water, food, and electricity may be utilized rapidly.
This
situation not only
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of fundamental needs but
also
the garbage problem.
Furthermore
, the rural zone may be abandoned by some new generations and governments since it is not a priority to improve.
For instance
, some towns that should be heritage places do not receive the necessary support and end up being destroyed. In conclusion, even though a number of people who plan to start their lives in the major cities have advantages to society,
this
statement
also
has some drawbacks. If
governments
Add a verb
governments are
governments were
show examples
concerned about their citizens, they would make the best choice.
Submitted by kickbox191 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

advice
To improve task response, increase the number of specific examples that support your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
advice
Try to further develop your ideas to provide a more comprehensive discussion. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your essay.
advice
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and smooth transitions to increase coherence and cohesion. This helps in logically structuring your essay.
positive
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which helps frame your argument.
positive
You have addressed both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: