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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #punishments #offences #traffic #accidents #measures #road #safety
Many people believe that serious
punishments
 are critical to decreasing the number of
traffic
accidents
, whilst others argue that there are numerous methods
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more useful to
enhace
Correct your spelling
enhance
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 of vehicle users and pedestrians. In my point of view, I believe that some measures to prevent
traffic
accidents
 are more essential than pure
punishments
. On the one hand,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
traffic
 issues are because of the driving offences in many modern nations. Strict
punishments
such
 as
paymenet
Correct your spelling
payment
 and jail are usually used by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to punish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drivers after
accidents
 on the road.
As a result
, the drivers will be threatened and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
break the rules again in future.
Moreover
, the payment can be utilized by the government to improve the facilities
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.
For instance
, more bridges, subways and buses are built and employed and make it more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 for access to people,
thus
,
less
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fewer
show examples
 vehicles are used and reduce the rate of
confilts
Correct your spelling
conflicts
 because of heavy
traffic
.
Punishments
 are effective
to scare
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in scaring
show examples
 the
troble makers
Correct your spelling
troublemakers
 after all the
accidents
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 and facilities can be
enhaced
Correct your spelling
enhanced
 by the
governemnts
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 using
those payment
Change the determiner
that payment
those payments
show examples
 as income.
On the other hand
, I believe that the most effective method to reduce the number of
car
accidents
 is taking prevention rather than any
punishments
 after all that happened. There are two measures that can prevent
car
accidents
 on the road.
Firstly
,
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 regarding the consequences of
car
accidents
 are one of the key factors for
Correct article usage
the preventation
show examples
preventation
Correct your spelling
prevention
 of
car
accidents
.
For example
, some banners and posters are posted inside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 or pubs
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 selling alcohol can
remain
Verb problem
remind
show examples
 the
cumstomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 not to drive after drinking.
Otherwise
, they will be facing heavy
punishments
 and perhaps in jail.
Furthermore
, education is another major factor
to teach
Change preposition
in teaching
show examples
 adolescents the correct
attutide
Correct your spelling
attitude
while
 driving on the road. Governments should organise more lessons letting the guilty drivers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn how to control
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 and
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 vehicles
while
 driving. In conclusion, I believe that strict punishment is only one of the methods
reducing
Change preposition
for reducing
show examples
traffic
accidents
, some other measures
such
 as
advertisemnets
Correct your spelling
advertisements
advertisement
 and education are more
import
Replace the word
important
show examples
 for
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
accidengts
Correct your spelling
accidents
.
Submitted by andy1031227 on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, it's important to expand on the examples provided and ensure they are relevant and specific. For instance, when discussing the use of advertisements to prevent accidents, you could detail specific campaigns that have been successful in other regions or countries.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, working on the logical sequence and clear transitions between paragraphs can make the essay flow more naturally. Phrases such as 'Moreover,' 'In addition to,' and 'Besides' can help in connecting the ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that nicely frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with clear paragraphs that effectively discuss both views.
task achievement
The essay generally stays on topic and provides some valid arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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