IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people say that globalization and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

#people #globalization #companies #effect #environment #support #position
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The
environment
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 that
would need
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 to be addressed.
However
, the unwanted effects of globalization and the growing number of multinational companies are factors that pollute the
environment
. I totally agree with
this
 topic and
this
 essay will explain the reasons for the negative effects. At
first,
globalization is a serious problem
such
 as population, people can go anyways in the world
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling or working but they always bring waste products with them. People throw it in several places
such
 as mini shampoo and mini toothbrushes when they have finished or before they go back home. in Thailand, travellers come to Thailand about 10 million per year forget their things around 1 million tons per year and that destroys the
environment
.
Secondly
, many companies have been establishing buildings in natural areas which is affecting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Change noun form
animals'
animal's
show examples
 lives.
Therefore
, water will be polluted and natural food will disappear
due to
 the chemical waste product and the land where these animals live is limited.
Overall
, I believe that globalization and companies worldwide impact the
environment
 in bad ways. The risk to the planet will be coming if we are not responsible for taking care of our place.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider providing more specific examples and details to support your points. For instance, you mentioned the issue of waste brought by travelers but did not provide enough examples or data to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Work on ensuring that your ideas are completely developed. The essay briefly mentions the negative impact of globalization and multinational companies, but more thorough explanations and additional paragraphs could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your sentences flow smoothly from one to the next. The transitions between ideas are present but could be more seamless. For example, connect the problem of pollution by travelers more clearly with the broader issue of environmental degradation caused by globalization.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay, but your conclusion could benefit from summarizing the main points more comprehensively and providing a stronger final thought.
coherence cohesion
Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This will not only help with clarity but also keep the reader interested in your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the negative impact of globalization and multinational companies on the environment.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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