IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people now undertake extreme activities, from hang-gliding to mountain climbing. Why do people risk their lives in this way, and do you think this is a good trend?

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In today's world,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to be adventurous and want to involve themselves in extreme
activities
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such
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 as hand gliding and mountain climbing.
This
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 essay will discuss the reason
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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people
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risk
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 their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 by indulging in
such
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activities
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 and
also
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 provide my opinion with profounding evidence.
Firstly
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, many individuals
believes
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believe
show examples
 in one
life
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. In that case, they take
this
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 quote "live
life
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 or leave
life
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" very seriously.
This
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 quote resembles the
risk
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 that
people
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 take into consideration and can be a motivation for
pupil
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pupils
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 undertaking these dangerous
activities
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.
For example
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, many
people
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 are
under confident
Correct your spelling
underconfident
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 and fear taking
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risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
life
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 in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with the
people
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 who are involved in these
activities
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. These
activities
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 not only
gives
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give
show examples
a
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an
show examples
adernaline
Correct your spelling
adrenaline
 rush in the body but
also
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to boost their confidence in
life
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.
This
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 is why
people
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 tend to opt for these
activities
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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tend
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
 has not only
help
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
people
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 to overcome fear but
also
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 helps them in their
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decision making
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decision-making
show examples
.
For example
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, many
people
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has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stage fear and tend to lack their
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decision making
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decision-making
show examples
while
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 speaking in front of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. In
such
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 cases,
people
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 tend to grow less.
In addition
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, one study showed that
people
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 who are involved in
high
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high-risk
show examples
risk
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activities
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 are more confident in their
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decision making
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decision-making
show examples
 in
comparision
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comparison
 to
who
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those who
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 do not.
To conclude
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,
this
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 trend of taking part in extreme
activities
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 is a positive trend.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 it helps in building skills
such
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 as
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decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
while
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 being in public.

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grammar
Work on sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors. For example, 'hand gliding' should be 'hang-gliding', and 'to why do people' should be 'why people'.
examples
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with more specific examples. General statements without examples make arguments less convincing.
organization
Better organization will improve coherence and cohesion. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, and use transition sentences effectively.
conclusion
Conclusion should reiterate the key points discussed in the main body to give a sense of closure and completeness.
content
Despite some grammatical errors, the essay presents a clear discussion on why people might engage in extreme activities.
conclusion
The concluding paragraph encapsulates the author’s viewpoint effectively, reinforcing the arguments made in the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adrenaline rush
  • Thrill-seeking
  • Personal growth
  • Accomplishment
  • Resilience
  • Risk management
  • Social recognition
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Endorphins
  • Fatality
  • Risk assessment
  • Cultural phenomenon
  • Recklessness
  • Safety precautions
  • Extreme sports
What to do next:
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