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Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the proportion of the workforce who are women and the proportion of managers who are women in five different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #workforce #women #managers #five #countries #information #features #comparisons
The table above depicts the representative of
women
 as the manpower and the
managers
. There are five various countries. In general, the representation of
women
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
workforce
 in Egypt is the lowest and for the
managers
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 Sri Lanka. On the other sides, Japan is the highest with
women
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
workforce
.
Also
, America and Australia
are hold
Change the verb form
are held
are holding
show examples
 in the first place by
women
 as
managers
. First of all, the spare
gap
 between manpower and
managers
 in Australia is not that deep. It is only 1 per cent.
Besides
, the participation of
women
 in Egypt in
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 world is very low which is below 25 per cent, both of the
workforce
 and the
managers
.
In other words
, there is a big
gap
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to other countries.
Then
, Sri Lanka is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the third position in
Correct article usage
the workforce's
show examples
workforce's
Change noun form
workforce
show examples
 categorization and
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
 rank in
manager's
Correct article usage
the manager's
show examples
 categorization.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 to Japan, there is a profound
gap
 between
percentation
Correct your spelling
presentation
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
workforce
 and the
managers
. The
managers
 in Japan
just
Add a missing verb
are just
show examples
 about 17 per cent by
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
.
Last
 country, same as Australia, the USA did not have a big
gap
 between the
workforce
 and the
managers
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, managers, workforce, gap with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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