In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In many countries, violent
images
on television
and in computer and video games have been blamed to be the main reason for the increase in crime
. While
there are some people who disagree with this
statement, I believe that violent images
are the main cause of the rise in the number of people involved in crime
.
Children
are known to be easily affected by the things that they see other people do, and in this
modern age, many children
watch television
and play video games. When children
see the violent images
displayed in
both devices that they watch and play, most of them will be affected and they will implement the violent Change preposition
on
images
that they saw in their daily lives. If they keep doing violent acts, they will grow up to be a violent person and they will eventually commit a crime
.
Other than the effect of violent images
on children
, it can also
be a sort of motivation for criminals. Criminals who do not know how to do a certain act of crime
can get inspiration from the violent images
that are shown on television
or in computer and video games. A criminal who previously didn't know how to strangle a person or how to use a gun,
can learn these things through observing the violent Remove the comma
apply
images
which are shown on the mentioned platforms, hence
rising crime
.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that violent images
on television
and other electronic devises
are to be blamed for the increase in Replace the word
devices
crime
.Submitted by riani.the2 on
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task achievement
You have provided a response that addresses the prompt effectively, but it would be beneficial to include more varied perspectives on the issue. Consider acknowledging other causes of crime which are commonly discussed to present a balanced argument.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your main points. This will add depth and credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically follows from the one before, creating a smooth, cohesive flow of ideas. Consider using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction succinctly introduces the topic and your stance, setting a clear direction for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your perspective, providing a strong closing to the essay.
logical structure
You have structured the essay in a way that your main points are identifiable, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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