In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many
people
have committed different types of crimes, I do not fully agree with the theory that crime
is influenced by violent images on the internet which is a strange assumption. In this
essay, I will discuss the things
that cause crime
that do not involve violent web searches.
It is not common to blame crime
on something that people
often watch or see violent images on the internet, but some instances can be true. Firstly
, children
love to mimic what they like to see or hear, and this
can lead them to become violent when they see harsh images on the internet. Secondly
, children
with this
kind of behavior
may have been caused by emotional traumas that Change the spelling
behaviour
children
experienced.
Most people
think the increase in crime
mainly has to do with people
who bring bad influences to good people
. This
is quite common in recent countries where adults teach children
how to commit a crime
. These types of people
are mainly the reason why crime
has begun to have an upward trend. Generally, not all people
are evil but are being influenced to do bad things
by bad people
who told them to, many people
who have experienced this
type of thing tend to feel lost and think differently, but some people
do bad things
just because they love to see other people
suffers. Furthermore
, crime
is not caused by hard video games or violent movies and TV but it can be caused by being influenced to.
In conclusion, I strongly disagree that crime
began to rise because of violent things
people
watch or see, but it can happen because of people
in general. Lastly
, other parents must teach their children
not to follow the bad things
that other people
might cause children
to become criminals in the future.Submitted by riani.the2 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay should try to organize the arguments more clearly and logically. Using specific paragraphs for unique points and developing them with explanations and examples would strengthen the structure.
task achievement
More detailed examples and insights related to the impact of violent images on crime would improve the task achievement. Try to critically analyze counter-arguments and provide strong evidence for your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and contributes to the overall argument. This helps maintain coherence and flow.
task achievement
While the essay makes some valid points, it could benefit from more in-depth analysis and evidence to support its claims. This enhances credibility and persuasiveness.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and outlines the main points for discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a defined beginning and end.
task achievement
Relevant points are raised about external influences and emotional traumas as factors in criminal behavior.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.