IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#unemployment #rates #country #kingdom #information #features #comparisons
Today we will look
to
Change preposition
at
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 the graph that compares female
unemployment
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the UK's countries.
Overall
,all three countries' female
unemployment
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in 2014,
whereas
 Scotland's female
unemployment
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increased by 0.6%. In 2013,the highest
women's
Correct quantifier usage
number of women's
show examples
 joblessness in the
UK's
Change noun form
UK
show examples
 countries had been England,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by 0.3%. Whilst,the lowest female
unemployment
 in the UK had been Wales having 5.4%,afterwards it was retrenched by 0.4% making it not the lowest in 2014.
According to
 the graph, Scotland had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the average
percentage
 of
women
's
unemployment
,
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 6.1%. The most decreased
percentage
 of
women
's redundancy was
Northern
Change preposition
in Northern
show examples
 Ireland,so it was reduced by 1%(4.6%).It is obvious that in the next year,Scotland
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
percentage
 of
women
's redundancy,
whereas
 Northern Ireland
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the smallest
percentage
 of female
unemployment
. Wales
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mediocre
percentage
 of
women
's
unemployment
. In conclusion,I thought that England would have
been
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
 of
women
's redundancy,but apparently it wasn't.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, women, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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