IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows female unemployment rates in each country of the United Kingdom in 2013 and 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Today we will look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the graph that compares female
unemployment
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the UK's countries.
Overall
Linking Words
,all three countries' female
unemployment
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased in 2014,
whereas
Linking Words
 Scotland's female
unemployment
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increased by 0.6%. In 2013,the highest
Use synonyms
women's
Correct quantifier usage
number of women's
show examples
 joblessness in the
UK's
Change noun form
UK
show examples
 countries had been England,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by 0.3%. Whilst,the lowest female
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in the UK had been Wales having 5.4%,afterwards it was retrenched by 0.4% making it not the lowest in 2014.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, Scotland had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the average
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's
unemployment
Use synonyms
,
total
Add an article
a total
show examples
 of 6.1%. The most decreased
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's redundancy was
Northern
Change preposition
in Northern
show examples
 Ireland,so it was reduced by 1%(4.6%).It is obvious that in the next year,Scotland
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's redundancy,
whereas
Linking Words
 Northern Ireland
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of female
unemployment
Use synonyms
. Wales
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mediocre
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's
unemployment
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,I thought that England would have
been
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
's redundancy,but apparently it wasn't.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, women, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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