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Band 7.5

The charts below show the proportion of graduates with different qualifications working in one engineering company in 1980 and 2008.

The charts below show the proportion of graduates with different qualifications working in one engineering company in 1980 and 2008.
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The pie chart compares the percentages of graduates with various degrees employed by a certain engineering company in 1980 and 2008.
Overall
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, it is notable that the majority of the graduates hired by one engineering company in the first year were
Master
Use synonyms
 of
Science
Use synonyms
 degree
holders
Use synonyms
,
whereas
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, in the second year, most of them were
Ph
Use synonyms
.D.
Science
Use synonyms
holders
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, it is
also
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 worth mentioning that the only proportion that did not vary was seen in people with
Master
Use synonyms
 of
Science
Use synonyms
 degrees. Regarding the
employees
Use synonyms
 with different diplomas working for an organization in 1980,
master
Use synonyms
 of
science
Use synonyms
holders
Use synonyms
 accounted for 29% of workers, ranking first in that year.
Following
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this
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, the workers with a
Ph
Use synonyms
.D. in
science
Use synonyms
 made up 25%,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
employees
Use synonyms
 with a first degree in art was 17%.
Next,
Linking Words
the proportion of graduates with first-degree
science
Use synonyms
 degrees was the lowest (2%).
Moreover
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, the figure for
employees
Use synonyms
 with
Master
Use synonyms
 of Arts diplomas was 13%.  When it comes to percentages in 2008, the rate of
holders
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Ph.D.
Change the punctuation
PhD
show examples
 in
science
Use synonyms
 rose and reached 30% (the highest rate in the chart).
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a decline in the figures for first-degree art and first-degree
science
Use synonyms
 workers by 1% and 8%, respectively.
In contrast
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, that of
Ph
Use synonyms
.D.
science
Use synonyms
employees
Use synonyms
 experienced 5% growth.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the rate of
Master
Use synonyms
 of
Science
Use synonyms
holders
Use synonyms
 did not see changes throughout the period,
although
Linking Words
 the proportion of
Master
Use synonyms
 of Arts
holders
Use synonyms
 witnessed a 1% decrease.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words master, science, holders, ph, employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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