IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You are to start a new job next week but you will not be able to because you have some problems. Write a letter to your new employer. In your letter Explain your situation Describe your problems Tell him/her when you think you can start

#job #week #employer #situation
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Dear Sir / Mme
I'am
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I am
 writing
this
 letter
for
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to
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 inform you about the difficulty
to start
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of starting
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 in your company next week.
Firstly
, I'm a new worker in
marketing
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the marketing
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 department. I passed my candidature for your firm and
i
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I
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 passed an interview with the director of the department. I accepted
in
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apply
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the job of
commercial
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the commercial
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 agent. 
Secondly
, I do start my work
in
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apply
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the next week
in
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on
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 Monday
23th
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23rd
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 April.
However
,
i
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I
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 have some problems to oblige me to not come
in
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to
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 the company
the
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on the
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 same date. The problem is about
my
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the
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 equivalence degree of my licence. The equivalence is not available for
to
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me to
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 complete my folder and to
deposite
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deposit
 in
human
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the human
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 research department.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
i
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I
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 consulted the office
in
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of
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 my faculty and
i
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I
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 had information that
i
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I
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 will have the equivalence
in
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at
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 the end of
this
 current week.
For
this
 reason, Sir/Mme,
i
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I
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 will
able
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be able
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 to start my work in your company
the
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on the
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 first day of May. Kindly accept, Sir/Mme, the expression of my deepest respect for your time and kind collaboration. Yours sincerely. Rabeb
Submitted by rabebhamdi on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your letter maintains a logical flow. Currently, some sentences are not well connected, making it somewhat difficult to follow your explanation.
task achievement
Double-check for grammatical accuracy and proper use of expressions. For example, 'I accepted in the job' should be 'I was accepted for the job,' and 'to oblige me' should be 'that obliges me.'
coherence cohesion
You should clearly separate different points into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability. For instance, separate the description of your problem from your explanation of when you can start.
task achievement
You provided a clear context about who you are and your position in the new job, which is very helpful for the reader to understand your situation quickly.
task achievement
Your tone is polite and respectful, which is suitable for this kind of correspondence with an employer.
task achievement
You provided specific details, such as the date you are supposed to start and the nature of the problem. This is important for a complete response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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