Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it's effect on a child.
The
parents
are
encourage their Unnecessary verb
apply
children
to use the
leisure time to do a part-time Change the word
their
job
. Personally, I think it is good for development
of the Add an article
the development
children
itself
. There are some benefits and drawbacks that Correct pronoun usage
themselves
children
can get from part-time
Add an article
a part-time
job
. I will discuss both sides.
On the one side, part-time jobs
enable the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to learn how to survive. Survive from
the struggles Change preposition
apply
which
they are facingCorrect pronoun usage
apply
for
. They can not always depend on their Change preposition
apply
parents
for the
money because sometimes not all Correct article usage
apply
family
have Fix the agreement mistake
families
a
good Correct article usage
apply
condition
on finance. By doing part-time Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
job
, the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
children
can help the parents
, at least to fulfill their own needs. In addition
, when children
know how hard to get money, they can more
appreciate their Correct quantifier usage
apply
parents
who striving for them. For example
, they can give 5 per cent from
their salary and give it to their Change preposition
of
parents
or donate Correct pronoun usage
it for
for
those who need it.
Change preposition
to
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages when children
doing
a part-time Wrong verb form
do
job
. First,
they do not know how to work. Because of that, they can make mistakes in places which
they do their work. Another problem is the owner of the shop will not want to take responsibility Correct word choice
where
of
their employee just because they are still Change preposition
for
children
. For example
, frequently, the business owner employ
Change the verb form
employs
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
who still
underage and when the problems Add a missing verb
are still
have
come, the owner Unnecessary verb
apply
did
not care at all.
To summarise, when Wrong verb form
does
the
Correct article usage
apply
parents
want to their kids doing
part-time Wrong verb form
do
jobs
, they must considerate
all of these advantages and disadvantages. By that, they can decide whether Replace the word
consider
this
part-time jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
worth
it or not. In my opinion, the part-time Add a missing verb
is worth
jobs
is
good, in the end.Change the verb form
are
Submitted by wishmeluck on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
grammar tip
Review sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors such as 'The parents are encourage' which should be 'Parents encourage.'
vocabulary tip
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to improve clarity and specificity.
development tip
Expand on the examples and explanations to provide more depth and make arguments stronger.
structure strength
Clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
balance highlight
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of children having part-time jobs, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
example highlight
The essay provides relevant examples, which helps to illustrate the points made.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!