Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information , such as their hobbies and interests , and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful . Others disagree Discuss both views and give your own opnions

In
this
contemporary
epoach
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epoch
approach
, most of the companies have personal
information
space in their
applicantion
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application
forms
such
as martial status, hobbies, and
interest
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interests
show examples
. A certain number of people
is considered
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
it useful
while
others disagree that personal
information
is irrelevant.
This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, personal
details
should be
relevanted
Correct your spelling
relevant
when new
canditates
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candidates
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
for jobs because
this
is the best way to know about
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
detaily
Correct your spelling
details
detail
except their academics.
This
is,
these
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this
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
are help
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helps
show examples
to assign work in the
working place
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workplace
show examples
along with
it
connects
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
co-workers who have
same
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the same
show examples
pastime activities, and
as a result
, they can work without boring.
For example
, a
person
fills
the
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out the
show examples
application
of
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for
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
with personal
details
,
he
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apply
show examples
likes to socialise, and travels
to
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in
show examples
free
Correct pronoun usage
his free
show examples
time;
employer
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the employer
show examples
clearly gets ideas, he is an extroverted
person
, and he needs my company. Needless to say, asking marital status
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
new applicants
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
means they work an extra hour or not.
Hence
, personal
details
are relevant to
understand
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understanding
show examples
the new applicant's life.
In contrast
, personal
details
are irrelevant because companies should hire employees
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
on their academic performance
as well as
professional skills.
That is
, every
person
dissimilar
Add a missing verb
has dissimilar
show examples
hobbies and interests,
Correct word choice
and reprecussions
show examples
reprecussions
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repercussions
, they can judge
someone
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someone's
show examples
characteres
Correct your spelling
character
badly Just look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
their personal
information
without communicating, and
this
is
a
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the
show examples
worst
sinario
Correct your spelling
scenario
.
For instance
, if a
person
fills smoking
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smokes
show examples
and
drinking
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drinks
show examples
in a hobbies space of applicant forms, others easily give a name to that
person
is
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as
show examples
"drug
Correct article usage
a "drug
show examples
addict"; but he
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
is a social drinker, personal
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
used
for judging
Change preposition
to judge
show examples
someone's attitude negatively. To be more precise, many countries like Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the USA never ask
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
applicant's identity because they only focus on their academic, and professional performance. In conclusion,
although
personal
information
is required when
applying
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applying for
show examples
a new job because
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
have to know about our new employee's personal interests, and it helps to connect co-workers who have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
thoughts, personal
details
are unnecessary because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
their real characters,
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
should hire employees based on their academic performances.
However
, in my opinion, personal
details
are irrelevant, and companies do not consider their employee's personal life
instead
of they should
fous
Correct your spelling
focus
on their academic and professional performances.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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grammar
Try to proofread your essay to catch and fix minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. This can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
style
Some of your sentences are quite long and complex. Shorter, more concise sentences can improve readability and ensure your points are easier to understand.
examples
Ensure all examples provided are directly relevant to the point you are making. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
structure
While your essay addresses both viewpoints and provides your opinion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This can improve the logical flow of your essay.
content
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear opinion.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and help frame the essay effectively.
examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enriches your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural fit
  • teamwork
  • workplace harmony
  • commitment
  • stability
  • job performance
  • discrimination
  • biased hiring practices
  • lifestyle choices
  • privacy invasion
  • relevant
  • professionalism
  • legal implications
  • strict regulations
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