Art classes, such as painting and drawing are as important to a child's development as other subjects so it should bes compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
art
is essential for children's creativity and growth and should be used wisely.
While
it is commonly held belief that
art
sessions should be taught especially for higher grades, because painting and drawing are vital for
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
development, there is
also
an argument that opposes it. I consider that
art
sessions should be invested in useful activities.
To begin
with, We should increase
art
sessions for high school.
In other words
,
art
could improve ethical behaviour and decrease stress, especially for young ages.
In addition
,
art
acquires a high amount of innovation and creativity,
Furthermore
, teachers should collaborate to increase the amount of opportunities for children to visit museums and
art
galleries. Another point to consider,
art
should be invested
from
Change preposition
in by
show examples
various authorities, which, could improve culture. It is
also
possible to say that we could combine
art
with technology to improve
art
periods .
On the other hand
, we could encourage children to construct interpersonal relationships between students
while
painting or drawing. In conclusion, despite people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
various views, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
art
is the power of innovation for every child,
also
art
could be taught for various ages,since, It could improve their lifelong learning and their personal growth.
Submitted by pcah70 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic but doesn't expand on the opposing argument. To achieve a higher score, it would be beneficial to acknowledge and address counterpoints more thoroughly.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from additional specific examples that strengthen your arguments. Personal anecdotes or referencing well-known studies can add depth to your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay can be improved. For instance, it would help to break down large paragraphs into smaller ones focused on a single idea. Use transition words more effectively to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your main points need better development and support. For example, you mention that art can reduce stress and improve ethical behavior, but explaining how art achieves this with specific instances would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which bookend the main body well. This shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
You bring up valid and relevant points about the benefits of art education, such as creativity and cultural improvement.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Emotional expression
  • Cultural awareness
  • Fine motor skills
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Academic performance
  • Self-esteem
  • Social interaction
  • Teamwork skills
  • Artistic pursuits
  • Developmental stages
  • Diversity and inclusivity
  • Perspective-taking
  • Holistic development
  • Emotional intelligence
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!