Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that arts-related
subjects
are as important as other school
subjects
, especially for primary school
children. I totally agree with this
statement because this
can help children to
discover their Verb problem
apply
talents
from an early age and can increase their confidence.
One of the reasons I agree that creative subjects
have the same importance as other school
courses in primary school
is that it
Correct pronoun usage
they
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
students
to find out their potential talents
early on. That is
to say, school-age
is the most convenient time for Correct your spelling
school age
students
to learn more about their interests by trying different activities as they are young enough to pursue their hobbies. They will probably not have any other chance later in their lives to discover that because they will be busy with difficult exams when they get older. For example
, most famous singers were discovered by their music teachers at school
from a young age, and they claimed that they could not be that successful if their teachers did not find out their talents
when they were young.
Moreover
, music, art and drama subjects
help students
to boost their confidence. That is
because creative lessons teach students
how to perform in front of lots of people and give them a chance to socialise with other students
. As a result
, students
can realise their real potential and act more confidently. For instance
, many psychologists suggest to
Change preposition
that
students
who are struggling with social anxiety to
take drama lessons as it helps to enhance confidence.
In conclusion, Verb problem
apply
this
essay completely agrees that music, art and drama have the same value as other subjects
in primary school
because it
Correct pronoun usage
they
allows
children to discover their hidden Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
talents
early on and increases
their self-confidence.Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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task achievement
To upgrade your score, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating further on how music, art, and drama concretely influence children's development.
coherence cohesion
Though the essay is cohesive, transitions between paragraphs can be made more seamless. For instance, using phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' can strengthen the connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, neatly bookending the main arguments.
task achievement
Main points are well supported with relevant examples, which helps to clarify your arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite