IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

#percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton
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The provided line graph demonstrates the percentage of England's tourists who visited four types of attractions in Brighton. As can be seen in the line graph, every place of interest experienced fluctuations except for the festival
wich
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which
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 remained steady throughout the years. It is apparently seen that the most popular visitor attraction had been
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
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 in 1980
Linking Words
by
Change preposition
in
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 contrast to the pier with
solely
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only
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 10% of tourists.
However
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, it is important to observe that in subsequent years, nearly as many visitors went to see the pier as the festival in 2010 ,which indicates its
noticable
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noticeable
 growth. As the data suggests the art gallery
becomes
Wrong verb form
became
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 the biggest in its number in 1985 after experiencing a sudden
raise
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rise
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Linking Words
by
Change preposition
in
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 comparison to the pavilion with gradual improvement. It is interesting to note that in 1995 the
pavillion
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pavilion
 sharply
sky rockets
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skyrockets
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 up to 50%
whilist
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while
 the art gallery
declines
Wrong verb form
declined
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 dramatically.
Morever
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Moreover
, after 5 years the pavilion collapses ,levelling off at 30%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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 the art gallery sets off to the
last
Linking Words
 place with less than 10%.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Overall, your essay presents a clear understanding of the data with relevant points. However, the conclusion is missing. Having a conclusion to summarize your findings would enhance clarity and completeness.
task achievement
Ensure all percentages and trends are accurately explained. This can sometimes mean adding more precise details about what happened between the plotted points to show deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is mostly logical, with clear paragraphs for different insights. However, transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance flow and coherence. Consider using more linking words and phrases to connect your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay uses a variety of sentence structures, avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure vocab usage is consistent and correct. For example, 'experiences a sudden raise' should be 'experiences a sudden rise.'
task achievement
The essay covers the key points from the graph, recognizing the significant trends and changes in popularity of different attractions over the years.
task achievement
The use of comparative language (e.g., 'by contrast,' 'sharply sky rockets') shows a good grasp of how to discuss trends and changes.
coherence cohesion
Paragraphing is used effectively to separate distinct ideas, which improves readability and helps guide the reader through your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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