IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People say that
schools
Use synonyms
 should
use
Use synonyms
 movies, different gadgets and
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of books.
This
Linking Words
 way they will learn a lesson unlike any other and they mind up to the next level. Others argue that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
use
Use synonyms
 only
textbook
Fix the agreement mistake
textbooks
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they think other
lessons
Use synonyms
 not
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
students
Use synonyms
. If
schools
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 films and gadgets
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 problems will
make
Verb problem
arise
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
, forget really
lessons
Use synonyms
, bad comments from parents or
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 interested
about of study
Change preposition
in studying
show examples
. Today more
students
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 know about textbooks, they
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 learn new
lessons
Use synonyms
 with easy the way.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 parents always ask about their
school
Use synonyms
,
their
Correct word choice
and their
show examples
 education. Parents want sciences, mathematics should be taught in
school
Use synonyms
. If
schools
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 new technology, many
students
Use synonyms
 are not interested in
lessons
Use synonyms
 and they
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 study
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
at this
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. There are many advantages to
schools
Use synonyms
 like
this
Linking Words
. Because nowadays kids
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology, movies and
games
Use synonyms
 from youth and they want to learn these things in
school
Use synonyms
. Really
students
Use synonyms
 learn about films they can know about history or famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Games
Use synonyms
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
students
Add a missing verb
be students
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they love the play
games
Use synonyms
 and they
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 learn how to play and how to win.
Games
Use synonyms
 improve
students
Use synonyms
’s
thnking
Correct your spelling
thinking
.
Also
Linking Words
 today all
schools
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
robotechnology
Correct your spelling
biotechnology
rooms and
students
Use synonyms
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 learn about these
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. In the future new education will cover all
schools
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 will
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 than now.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a clearer introduction and conclusion. Begin by clearly stating your position on the issue and summarizing your key points at the end.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Your points should be clearly linked and connected with appropriate transitions.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Work on clarity. Some sentences are confusing or unclear. Simplify your language and make sure your sentences clearly convey your ideas.
task achievement
You acknowledged both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced view.
task achievement
Your essay covers several relevant points about the use of technology in education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: