Some people think that woman should take part in the military or the police force, but other oppose to this idea. Discuss both views give your own opinion and examples.
In
this
disputable epoch,some individuals have been
argued that Unnecessary verb
apply
women
should contribute in
Change preposition
to
a defence professions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a defence profession
defence professions
such
as military
or police Correct article usage
the military
while
others are opposed it
.I Change preposition
to it
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
agreee
with the first statement that Correct your spelling
agree
women
should be considered an
equally as men regarding their profession.In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay, i
demonstrate both views with appropriate examples.
On the one hand,Change the capitalization
I
women
are proving more intelligent in every fields
as they Change to a singular noun
field
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
a multitaskers
Correct the article-noun agreement
multitaskers
a multitasker
than
compared to men.Change preposition
apply
Moreover
,nowadays they are taking part in physical activies
like sports and gymnastics Correct your spelling
activities
as
a result they have not only exposure Correct word choice
and as
of
physical fitness but Change preposition
to
also
have
mental fitness.Unnecessary verb
apply
For instance
,numerous women
having a
better Correct article usage
apply
post
in the police force Fix the agreement mistake
posts
such
as a
kiran bedi considered Correct article usage
apply
as
Change preposition
apply
an
extremely intelligent Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
apply
it
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
While
taking
about Correct your spelling
talking
an
anticipation,they are more likely to have an ability Correct article usage
apply
of smelling
rats Replace the preposition
to smell
in contrast
to men.
On the other hand
,some argued
that they are less capable in terms of physical activities and Wrong verb form
argue
huge
chances of distractions because jobs like these have a Add a missing verb
have huge
more
need Correct word choice
greater
of
concentration and fitness.Change preposition
for
For example
,women
compelled
to their maternity Add a missing verb
are compelled
leaves
,family and rearing of their children and it would have negative impacts on Fix the agreement mistake
leave
thier
work.
Correct your spelling
their
To sum up
,every coin has two sides as
we should focus on Correct word choice
and
a
multiple positive points of Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
women
strengths rather than Change noun form
women's
demotivated
by their fewer drawbacks.Add a missing verb
being demotivated
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear topic but it would benefit from more precise language and a clearer thesis statement. Try to refine your opening to make your stance more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and avoid run-on sentences. Break down complex sentences into simpler ones.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and details to support your points. For example, mention any specific physical activities or roles women excel in, within the context of military or police work, to enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While expressing ideas, ensure there is a smooth transition from one point to another. This improves readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences contain grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. It would be helpful to review subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure, and to avoid colloquialisms in formal writing.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the topic, which shows a balanced approach.
relevant specific examples
Including historical figures like Kiran Bedi provides strong support for your argument and adds credibility.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!