IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #percentage #persons #five #years #bar #arrest #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of citizens
prisoned
Verb problem
imprisoned
show examples
from 1989 to 1994,
whereas
 the bar chart represents the reasons for their
arrest
 in recent times.
Overall
, it can be concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 male prisoners were more compared to the
famales
Correct your spelling
families
.
Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
 were imprisoned mostly because of consuming alcohol in public places. The survey results were as
such
 that, about 32% of the male population was caught by the police during the period.
In contrast
, the female prisoners
constitutes
Change the verb form
constitute
show examples
 to 1/4 th of the male ones approximately. Overlooking the past causes, public drinking was the predominant reason for most of the recent arrests in
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genders
.
However
,
this
 habit was
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 in females than the males. About 40% of the ladies were arrested for
this
 offence
whereas
, in the other gender it was about 30%. Approximately a quarter of male prisoners were arrested as they were caught in a drunk and drive condition.
In contrast
,
this
 offence resulted in the
arrest
 of about 15% of the opposite class. The other causes that paved
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 way for their
arrest
 were theft and the breach of
order
Add an article
the order
an order
show examples
, by which identical proportions of
both
genders
 were caught by the cops in
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conditions.They
both
 accounted for about 15% of gents' and about 12% of ladies' imprisonment each. Apart from these,
assaultation
Correct your spelling
assault
also
 was considered as a background for their
arrest
. As women committed most of the physical attacks, they were more arrested
for
this
 reason than males.About 4% to 7% of men and women were arrested as they have not responded well to the police respectively. About 15% to 20% of
both
genders
 were imprisoned for various other reasons.
Submitted by sivaleelamahendra1214 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, whereas".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words arrest, both, genders with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 7 times.
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