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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eating too much. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The
pie
Use synonyms
 charts
illustate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the proportion of meals which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 breakfast ,
dinner
Use synonyms
, lunch and
snacks
Use synonyms
 of three types of nutrients which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 sodium, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it has various percentages in each chart.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , the first
pie
Use synonyms
 chart shows that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is consumption of sodium
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 in the
dinner
Use synonyms
 approximately 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, The lowest amount in the
snacks
Use synonyms
 and breakfast around 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.The second
pie
Use synonyms
 chart demonstrates that consumption of
Saturded
Correct your spelling
Saturated
 fat in the
dinner
Use synonyms
 has the biggest amount nearly 37 per
cent
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, 26 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the lunch and 21 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
snacks
Use synonyms
. The third
pie
Use synonyms
chat
Correct your spelling
chart
show examples
 displays information about added
sugar
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the highest figure
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
snacks
Use synonyms
.follow
Correct your spelling
followed
 by in the
dinner
Use synonyms
 around 23per
Use synonyms
cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the lowest amount was in breakfast . In conclusion, most people
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
to consume
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sodium from their
dinner
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they use
sugar
Use synonyms
 more
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
especially in
snacks
Use synonyms
. You
ought
Add the word
ought to
show examples
be reduce
Change the verb form
be reduced
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 to avoid of risks
desesas
Correct your spelling
diseases
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, dinner, snacks, sugar, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average percentage
  • nutrients
  • sodium
  • saturated fat
  • added sugars
  • typical meals
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • snacks
  • consumption
  • excess
  • health implications
  • comparison
  • trend
  • pattern
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