Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that
people
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have a great effect on the
environment
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.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that authorities and enormous companies can make a difference, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
people
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can drive the
environment
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to a spectacular future.
To begin
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with, the significance of environmental conservation,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
involves protecting natural habitats by
people
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.
Furthermore
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, it is crucial for biodiversity and ensuring health for
planet
Add an article
the planet
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and future generations.
In addition
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, evolving the
environment
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could be in various ways.
For example
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, the importance of ethical
behavior
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behaviour
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,
wich
Correct your spelling
which
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encompass
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encompasses
show examples
honesty, integrity, and fairness, cannot be overstated, as it forms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trust and cooperation in any society. Another point to consider, If
people
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and authorities collaborate to evolve the impact of economic growth will increase
people
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's employment opportunities and higher living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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. It is
also
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possible to say,
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people
Correct word choice
that people
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and authorities could construct strong interpersonal relationships, which
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
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fostering trust, respect and open communication.
Moreover
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, the role of assisting Individuals
to
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in
show examples
government in modern society,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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must
permeated
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permeate
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nearly every
aspects
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aspect
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of our daily lives.
Furthermore
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, it is crucial for driving innovation, enhancing
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environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
and improving efficiency across various sectors. Another way to improve the world
environment
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is to reduce
utilizing
Replace the word
the utilisation of
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cars in cities, which decreases
emitting
Correct article usage
the emitting
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greenhouse gasses. In conclusion, despite
people
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having different views, I believe that
,
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apply
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participate
Wrong verb form
participating
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people
Use synonyms
with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
saving
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, will improve the journey of personal growth, which involves continuous
self-improvment
Correct your spelling
self-improvement
and self-discovery.
Furthermore
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, it is essential for achieving a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Submitted by pcah70 on

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task achievement
You need to expand on how individuals specifically can impact the environment positively. You made the claim but didn't thoroughly support it. Discuss more concrete actions or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure. Some of your ideas seem disjointed. Use more linking words to ensure that the transition between paragraphs is smooth.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the conclusion. It introduces new concepts like personal growth, which are somewhat unrelated to the main topic of environmental conservation.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
relevant specific examples
You attempted to include specific examples like reducing car usage to lower greenhouse gas emissions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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