IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting description of the correlation of the table that follow. Write at least 150 words.

#summarise #information #description #correlation
The graph illustrates data regarding alcohol-induced mortality, reported within seven countries in the year 2005 and the
per person
Add a hyphen
per-person
show examples
beer
 utilization (in
litres
)of the same countries in 2002.
Overall
,
while
 the highest death rate
as well as
 the liquor usage was reported in the Czech Republic, the lowest value of the
number
 of deceases
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occurred in Lithuania when the least
beer
consumption
 was done by Canadians.
Moreover
, it is conspicuous that the average
beer
consumption
 rate has a direct proportionality with the
number
 of
deaths
.
Alsoalso
Correct your spelling
Also also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
liquor has influenced more males than females for their demises. A glance at the graph reveals that
beer
 has a significant influence on mortality. It is
also
 clear that when the per-head usage of
beer
 exceeds 100
litres
 the
number
 of
deaths
 surpasses the limit of 1 million.
This
 is evidenced in the Czech Republic, where the per-person
beer
 usage was 132 litre in 2002 and it caused 1,369,000 deceases in 2005.
Similarly
, the male
deaths
 are two times higher than the female
deaths
.
In addition
, the above correlation of the utilization of
beer
 and the death rate was the same for Germany and Australia, where the
beer
 utility was 107, 106
litres
 and the mortalities were 1,185,000 and 913,000 respectively.
Although
beer
 demand is overwhelmingly higher in Ireland, alcohol-related
deaths
 were not related to it as above. It can be seen,
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
 though the 100-litre
consumption
 was surpassed, the
deaths
 were still
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
just below half a million. In the means of Lithuania, Ireland, Canada and Estonia, the total
number
 of
deaths
 was less than 600,000 and the annual
beer
consumption
 was below 100
litres
.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

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task achievement
Your task completion is good as you have addressed the key points mentioned in the graph, and your summation has captured most of the essential information. However, be careful with minor inaccuracies in data representation. Ensure precise use of facts and figures to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally clear and easy to understand, but the logical progression from one idea to another could be improved. Consider using more linking words and phrases to create a smoother transition between points and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have successfully included relevant details and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your essay and makes it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your overall structure is coherent, with a clear introduction, body, and concluding sentences. This shows good organization of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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