Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Most universities have a system that
students
need to take liberal arts classes which are far from their major field, essentially.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
there is a controversy about whether
students
must take liberal arts classes. Some people say it is a chance to broaden
students
' perspective.
In contrast
, other people say, in real,
students
don't have much time to study their major so learning other subjects is a total waste of time. Between these views, I agree with the prior argument. On one hand, the depth of understanding major of the pupils who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
only concentrating
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
their major during
semester
Add an article
the semester
a semester
show examples
will be the deepest, compared to other
students
. So when you take other courses
then
recruiters might think you
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack of having professional knowledge
into
Change preposition
of
show examples
your major.
Then
they will not choose you and prefer applicants who don’t
lost
Change the verb form
lose
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
way of studying and have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
confidence
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
their major.
On the other hand
, taking additional study courses can help you find out your potential
interest
and it can be a motivation for searching for better
job
fields that fit you. In my case, I thought I liked programming so I got into AI major, but
while
I was studying, I realized that I didn’t enjoy it and I could not have a
job
in
this
way. So I studied other themes,
such
as business theory, and after that, I found out that I'm good at leading
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
and having fun with service planning. As you can see in my case, if your
interest
in the original major falls,
then
focusing on it is impossible and
also
it doesn't help to build your future
job
. So you need to take other lectures and have a chance to find your new
interest
. In conclusion, if pupils dedicate their time to studying for a qualification, getting a
job
will be easier and faster than when they don’t, but people can discover their new
interest
or the part that can mix with their original major,
while
they learn other topics. So I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
learning other subjects is making my career more
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
and stronger.
Submitted by starmino0113 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
While you provided a clear introduction and conclusion, ensure that every paragraph of your essay has a clear central idea that is fully developed and well-supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by connecting ideas more fluidly. Make sure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother to improve the essay's overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
To improve supported main points, use more specific examples and explanations to back up your arguments. Each paragraph should provide a comprehensive exploration of a single idea.
task achievement
While the response is complete, work on developing more sophisticated arguments and varying your sentence structures to increase the depth and clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor language errors, such as word choice and sentence construction, which occasionally hinder the clarity and accuracy of your message.
content
You have expressed a clear opinion and provided personal experience to support your arguments, which is very engaging and effective.
content
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your viewpoint easily.
language
Your writing shows a good command of academic vocabulary and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!