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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and marker comparisons where relevant

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and marker comparisons where relevant
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #information #features #marker #comparisons
Overall
, the percentage of
people
 who
were
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visited the
Pavilion
 went up between 1980 and 1985
then
 rocketed between 1985 and 1995.
While
people
 who
were
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visited the Festival decreased between 1980 and 1985
then
 fluctuated between 1985 and 1995. Another interesting point is that the percentage of
people
 who used to visit the pier started from less than went up where met around other landmarks. Looking at the details,
people
 who where visited the
Pavilion
 started at just over 20% in 1980
then
 rose to
at
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around 30%, after that jumped to
at
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around 50%, between 1995 and 2000 the
number
 of
people
 who visited the
Pavilion
 plunged to
at
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just over 30%
then
 remained stable at around 30%. It can be seen that
,
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the
number
 of
people
 who used to visit the Festival started at around 30%
then
 stayed the same between 1985 and 1995 after that went up where met the
number
 of
people
 who visited the
Pavilion
.
On the other hand
, the
number
 of visitors who visited the Pier started at 10% in 1980
then
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went up to around 15%
then
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plummeted to under 10%
then
 dramatically increased to
at
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around 23%.
Submitted by yosf1010 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, pavilion, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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