Write about the following topic: In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries, it is common that after retirement
people
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tend to live in long-term care or Retirement homes. Some
people
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argue that the
government
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should support the cost of living.
However
Linking Words
, other thinks that it is the family's responsibility to look after them. In my perspective, the
government
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should allocate funds and provide
this
Linking Words
service
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to their
people
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. In the following paragraphs, I will provide an explanation to support my idea. To commence with, the major reason to put their budget
in
Change preposition
into
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old-age homes is that
people
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pay taxes to the authorities.
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Government
Correct article usage
The government
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is the legislative body which runs the Country with the money of taxpayers.Every individual pays taxes on various commodities like food, health services and every penny they earn throughout their lives. Health
service
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is a basic requirement for everybody. In Countries like Canada, Australia and New Zealand the
government
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spends money on old-age homes and takes care of the
people
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who are
sixty plus
Add a hyphen
sixty-plus
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or who are unable to take
Correct your spelling
care of
careof
Correct pronoun usage
careof them
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, as they think it is their responsibility.
Therefore
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, the UK
government
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should
also
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consider their budget for
this
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service
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. The other reason is to provide accessibility and equality among the citizens. There are many families who cannot afford to pay for their parents. There will be many
people
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who want to opt and live in a retirement home,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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due to
Linking Words
lack of money they cannot. health should be accessible to everyone.
Therefore
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, there should be basic living should be allocated
with
Change preposition
to
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medical services. In Conclusion, it is the responsibility of the
government
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to take care of its citizens and to provide excellent
service
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for Elderly
people
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as they pay their taxes their whole lives.
Due to
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this
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, it may bring equality and everyone can access
this
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service
Use synonyms
.
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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points. Specific examples can make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the reader.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on how the coordination between government support and family responsibilities can be balanced. This could provide a more nuanced view of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. For instance, linking the introduction more clearly to the body paragraphs will help with cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical issues and to ensure clarity. Small errors in grammar and punctuation can affect the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
The main points are relevant and generally well-supported, contributing to the overall strength of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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