IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents’ coffee and tea purchasing and consuming habits in last 4 weeks in five different cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart) in Australia.

The given bar chart illustrates the percentage of residents’ coffee and tea purchasing and consuming habits in last 4 weeks in five different cities (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart) in Australia.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart demonstrates the proportion of Australian nationalities, residing in
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 cities, habituated to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 tea and
coffee
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 four weeks.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the residents preferred going to
cafe
Add an article
the cafe
show examples
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the homemade morning drinks .
Moreover
Linking Words
, buying an instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was prioritised over
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fresh one. As per the information provided in the chart, about 35% to 45% of the residents of
Sydney
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 were keen on buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks.
However
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 of
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
adelaide
Change the capitalization
Adelaide
show examples
 were less acquainted with
this
Linking Words
 habit.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, ready-made
coffee
Use synonyms
 purchases were made by most of them, with
Hobart
Use synonyms
 citizens ( 55%), topping the list followed by
Brisbane
Use synonyms
(about 52%).
In addition
Linking Words
,
Adelaide
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
constitutes
Change the verb form
constitute
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a percentage ranging from 45% to 50%. Apart from the above, the city
people
Use synonyms
 were addicted to the cafeterias
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks.
At about
Change preposition
About
show examples
 63% of the residents of
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 went to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 tea or
coffee
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 it was
about
Rephrase
apply
show examples
slightly more than 60%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 with 55% of
this
Linking Words
 type stood ahead
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
Adelaide
Use synonyms
, in which
people
Use synonyms
 buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 were as much as the ones that went to cafeterias i.e., half of its population precisely.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sydney, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, hobart, coffee, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • residents
  • habits
  • purchasing
  • consuming
  • illustrates
  • comparison
  • preferences
  • trend
  • frequency
  • café culture
  • observations
  • urban lifestyle
  • fresh coffee
  • instant coffee
What to do next:
Look at other essays: