IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#countries #government #prioritises #growth #concerns
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There are main drawbacks as regards the government prioritizes economic growth
above all
 other concerns. The government focuses on economic growth which increases global warming. The reason for
this
 is that destroying plants results
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 building factories and cities to cater economy.
Additionally
, economic
development
 will lead to an increase in private cars which give rise to air pollution.
Furthermore
, economic
development
 often leads to higher energy demand for industries' production, transportation, and residential use. Most of the energy is derived from fossil fuels
such
 as coal, oil, and natural gas which release greenhouse gases and heat.
On the other hand
, there are two benefits of prioritizing economic growth
above all
 other concerns.
To begin
 with, economic
development
 will lead to new employment opportunities for seekers which deal with the unemployment rate. The second advantage, the economic
development
 which means households have a chance to invest time in their children who are the main workforce in the future which guarantees a workforce for the country.
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion. Introductions and conclusions serve as summaries and can significantly improve the flow and readability of the essay.
relevant specific examples
The ideas presented are clear, but some points could be expanded further with relevant examples or additional arguments. For instance, discussing specific countries that have experienced increased pollution due to economic growth could strengthen your point.
logical structure
The essay would benefit from better transitions between paragraphs. Ensuring smoother transitions helps in maintaining the flow and coherence.
supported main points
The main points presented are relevant to the topic and cover both the advantages and disadvantages of prioritizing economic growth.
complete response
The essay addresses the task by discussing both perspectives effectively, fulfilling the requirement of a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
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