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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of energy generated from five different sources, namely Hydropower, Oil, Nuclear power, Coal, Natural gas, in a particular nation between 1983 and 2003.

The pie charts illustrate the percentage of energy generated from five different sources, namely Hydropower, Oil, Nuclear power, Coal, Natural gas, in a particular nation between 1983 and 2003.
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This
Linking Words
 pie chart shows the
portion
Use synonyms
 of energy generated from five sources in a certain nation between 1980 and 1990. There are five categories for sources :
Oil
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, Natural
gas
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, Coal, Hydroelectric
power
Use synonyms
,
Nuclear
Correct word choice
and Nuclear
show examples
power
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of coal and nuclear
power
Use synonyms
 increased 5% more during the period.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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oil
Correct article usage
the oil
show examples
 and natural
gas
Use synonyms
portion
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 decreased, but particularly the percentage of
oil
Use synonyms
 declined by 9%, which is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 pretty big gap. And the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 hydropower didn't change. In 1980,
oil
Use synonyms
 accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 largest part
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
 resources and natural
gas
Use synonyms
 and coal followed next
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In 1990, even though
oil
Use synonyms
's figure dropped, it recorded the highest
portion
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, and the order of coal and natural
gas
Use synonyms
 was reversed.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the
portion
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 of nuclear
power
Use synonyms
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rise
 5% more during 10 years. It means as time went by, the usage of environmental energy in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain state was getting larger.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words portion, oil, gas, power with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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