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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents purchase their kids a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having lot of toys.

#parents #purchase #kids #toys #child
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Many parents buy their kids a lot of
toys
 to play with. One advantage is that a number of playthings can help develop fine and gross motor skills.
However
, the main disadvantage is that
toys
 may limit
children
's opportunities for social interaction. On the one hand, numerous playthings can improve a child's fine and gross motor skills. Most
children
 like to play with building
blocks
, which advance toddlers' hand-eye coordination.
For example
, many pediatric occupational therapists prefer to use wooden construction
blocks
 because playing with building
blocks
 and constructing a building requires hand-eye coordination as the hand muscles
maneuver
Change the spelling
manoeuvre
show examples
blocks
 and tools.
On the other hand
,
toys
 may restrict a baby's opportunities for social connection.
Children
 often want to play alone and do not want to be disturbed
while
 they are playing with puzzles or engaging in
role play
Add a hyphen
role-play
show examples
 with
toys
.
For example
, researchers have found that both social and isolated
toys
 can promote social interactions.
Moreover
, O'Gorman, Hughes, and Carter (2002) did not find any significant differences in social interactions when
children
 were playing with either type of toy. In conclusion, having a great deal of dolls and playthings can help develop
children
's motor skills.
However
, too many
toys
 may limit social interaction.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on key points and provide specific examples. This will improve your overall response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
supported main points
Be cautious when using examples or studies to support your points – make sure they are directly relevant to the argument being made.
introduction conclusion present
Effective use of introduction and conclusion to frame the essay.
supported main points
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples.
complete response
The response addresses both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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