Some parents purchase their children a large number of minuature to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the kids of having lot of toys.

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Plenty of parents acquire their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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loads of
toys
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.
Toys
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might improve
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
gross-motor
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gross motor
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skills,
although
Linking Words
pampering
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child
Correct article usage
a child
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would lead
child
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having
unpleasant
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an unpleasant
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personality.
This
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essay agrees that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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outweigh
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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.
Prior
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A prior
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advantage of buying your little one lots of
toys
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is it improves
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
coordination.
While
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constructing some buildings with toy blocks, youngsters's eye-hand coordination would be developed.
Also
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,
purpose
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the purpose
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of some
toys
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is to develop movements committed by
boy
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a boy
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or girl smoothly.
For instance
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, with
help
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the help
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of
lego
Capitalize word
Lego
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pieces,
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child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
may build constructions using his eye and hand, evolving both parts of his or her body.
On the other hand
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, purchasing too much baubles might
also
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be bad.
This
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issue is well-known among parents who have pampered their babies. Time passes, spoiled boy lasts being boastful. Boasting
for
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apply
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many times is the major reason, why people would repel you. It may get even worse if any actions are not done.
For example
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,
friend
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a friend
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of mine used to show off multiple times. After numerous boasts, other mates started to talk bad things about him behind his back. After 3 years, we cut our bond off, because of his importunity.
To sum up
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,
this
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essay still holds its position that
advanteges
Correct your spelling
advantages
preponderate over disadvantages. Improving skills is good, but
boastful
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a boastful
show examples
personality is
significant
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a significant
show examples
problem.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear central idea and that your main points are fully developed. Expand on how toys develop gross-motor skills and elaborate on how pampering can lead to an unpleasant personality.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by using linking words and a clear sequence of ideas. Make sure every sentence flows logically from the previous one, helping the reader to follow your argument easily.
general linguistic
Check for grammatical issues and spelling errors. For instance, words like 'miniature' and 'advantages' were misspelled. Also, reconsider phrasing to enhance readability and avoid awkward constructions.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your argument well and summarizing your points succinctly.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, showing a balanced approach to the issue.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as Lego pieces helping develop eye-hand coordination and the story about your friend, adds depth to your argument and makes it more relatable.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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