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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
Modern education is classified as prevention and cure. In
this
 world, a large number of
people
 are dying from various health-related problems.
This
 is why, my suggestion is that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 government needs to spend a good
amount
 of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 budget and educate the
people
 about preventive measures.
To begin
 with, it is evident that, in most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 health education is hardly given any importance among the
people
. When
people
 are made aware of health-related issues, it naturally affects on prevention of
diseases
 by making basic alterations in lifestyles.
For example
, in most developing countries
people
 are accustomed to fast food without knowing how harmful it can be to one's body in the long term.
People
 are suffering from many communicable
diseases
 without knowing the disadvantages of consuming unhygienic food and water.
On the other hand
, it should be reminded that all modern
diseases
 are preventable and it is critical to maintain research on cures for all
diseases
.
Therefore
, a good
amount
 should be funded for curing
diseases
 as well by the government.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 life-threatening
diseases
 like cancer cannot be prevented by basic measures and
hence
 there should be funds allocated to cure and research
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 horrifying
diseases
.
To conclude
, a government needs to spend a fair
amount
 of money on treatment too, but a high proportion of the
amount
 should be spent on health education and preventive measures so that a larger population of a country can live in a healthy environment with less burden.
Submitted by koch25 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a good response to the task, addressing both preventative measures and the need for funds for treatment. To improve, you can provide more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs. However, linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the introduction could better outline the main points that will be discussed. Consider providing a brief overview of each point in the introductory paragraph.
task achievement
The main ideas were clearly expressed, and the essay addresses the prompt with a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is clear and effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • public awareness
  • proactive approach
  • unsustainable
  • economic productivity
  • healthcare system
  • vaccinations
  • curative measures
  • comprehensive healthcare
  • financial burden
  • incidence
  • preventable diseases
  • eradicating
  • controlling
  • allocated
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