Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

#nawadays #families #doen

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The idea of family is based on a knitted

relaitionship

Correct your spelling

relationship

relationships

between parents and siblings.

Although

recently

peaple

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people

will not agree with the concept of family , it will always be the pillar of a healthy

socity

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society

This

essay will discuss the

factors

that

fueld

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fueled

fuel

this

idea, and it will look into solutions to create more of a

halthy

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healthy

relationships

Fix the agreement mistake

relationship

show examples

within one family.

To begin

with , the causes of

this

gap between family members

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

to be associated with general

factors

on top of

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

spcific

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specific

factors

for each

houshold

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household

. In my personal view,

tecnology

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technology

has to be one of the main

factors

, as people think

commuunicating

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communicating

communication

through

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messages is sufficient to keep

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

strong bonds maintained ,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

messages

lacks

Change the verb form

lack

show examples

the advantage of emotions replacing it with

emojies

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emojis

, With time the sense of emotions will

disapear

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disappear

Moreover

, long working hours can affect many families.

Woking

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Working

show examples

from 9 to 5

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

can be

chalenging

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challenging

for someone with siblings and parents , it will be hard to come home and have a meal together.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

factors

can not affect a society with a

family oriented

Add a hyphen

family-oriented

show examples

mind set

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mindset

show examples

. In my point of view , the solution

Change preposition

show examples

this

increasing problem in many societies is

witihn

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within

with

the people of it ,

weather

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whether

show examples

it is the

govement

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government

Correct article usage

the iniviual

show examples

iniviual

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individual

people . Many jobs do not require

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

7 hours

office

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of office

show examples

time that can be replaced with working at home days ,

as well as

on call

Add a hyphen

on-call

show examples

shifts,

This

can be

empleente

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implemented

by the government of

diffrent

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different

specialties

Change the spelling

specialities

show examples

. The technology aspect of the problem is a personal

goverance

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governance

, we need to maintain relationships with visiting or even meeting for a quick coffee run , making plans on special

occations

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occasions

and

congratulate

Wrong verb form

congratulating

show examples

each other with a heartwarming gift at

thier

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their

the

door . In

conclution

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conclusion

technolog

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technology

and attending

work

Fix the infinitive

to work

show examples

are as important as a family, and

interepting

Correct your spelling

interpreting

the problem by pointing

the

Change preposition

out the

show examples

factors

is crucial to

end

Change the verb form

ending

show examples

up with

an effective solutions

Correct the article-noun agreement

effective solutions

an effective solution

show examples

in bringing the family bond alive again.

Submitted by buhamadreham on Thu Jul 18 2024

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task achievement

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is very positive. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples to support your points. Try to incorporate specific incidents or case studies wherever you can.

coherence cohesion

Your ideas need to be more clearly and logically organized. For example, break down your paragraphs more distinctly to separate different arguments. You could use transitional phrases to improve the logical flow.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious with spelling and grammar errors which can distract the reader. For instance, words like 'knitted,' 'technol,' 'govement,' 'iniviual' should be corrected. Proofreading your essay before submission can help reduce these errors.

task achievement

Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing both causes and solutions.

task achievement

You did a good job balancing formal tone and personal viewpoints, especially in the second paragraph where you delve into causes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Technological advancements
Work-life balance
Geographical distance
Face-to-face communication
Cultural shifts
Individualism
Family cohesion
Career-oriented
Digital platforms
Boom in social activities
Frequent family gatherings
Familial bonds

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Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

Fully explain your ideas

The best way to solve traffic and transportation problems is to encourage people to live in cities rather than suburbs and the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money?

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind , such as reading and doing word puzzles . Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time . Dicuss two views and give your opinion .

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing, Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those times than they are now. What problems will this cause? What can be done to solve these problems?