Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?
The idea of family is based on a knitted
relaitionship
between parents and siblings. Correct your spelling
relationship
relationships
Although
recently peaple
will not agree with the concept of family , it will always be the pillar of a healthy Correct your spelling
people
socity
. Correct your spelling
society
This
essay will discuss the factors
that fueld
Correct your spelling
fueled
fuel
this
idea, and it will look into solutions to create more of a halthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
relationships
within one family.
Fix the agreement mistake
relationship
To begin
with , the causes of this
gap between family members has
to be associated with general Correct subject-verb agreement
have
factors
on top of a
Correct article usage
apply
spcific
Correct your spelling
specific
factors
for each houshold
. In my personal view, Correct your spelling
household
tecnology
has to be one of the main Correct your spelling
technology
factors
, as people think commuunicating
through Correct your spelling
communicating
communication
whatsapp
messages is sufficient to keep Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
Whatsapp
the
strong bonds maintained , Correct article usage
apply
however
messages Add a comma
however,
lacks
the advantage of emotions replacing it with Change the verb form
lack
emojies
, With time the sense of emotions will Correct your spelling
emojis
disapear
. Correct your spelling
disappear
Moreover
, long working hours can affect many families. Woking
from 9 to 5 Correct your spelling
Working
everyday
can be Replace the word
every day
chalenging
for someone with siblings and parents , it will be hard to come home and have a meal together. Correct your spelling
challenging
However
Add a comma
However,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
factors
can not affect a society with a family oriented
Add a hyphen
family-oriented
mind set
.
In my point of view , the solution Correct your spelling
mindset
of
Change preposition
to
this
increasing problem in many societies is witihn
the people of it , Correct your spelling
within
with
weather
it is the Correct your spelling
whether
govement
or Correct your spelling
government
Correct article usage
the iniviual
iniviual
people . Many jobs do not require Correct your spelling
individual
a
7 hours Correct article usage
apply
office
time that can be replaced with working at home days , Change preposition
of office
as well as
on call
shifts, Add a hyphen
on-call
This
can be empleente
by the government of Correct your spelling
implemented
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
specialties
. The technology aspect of the problem is a personal Change the spelling
specialities
goverance
, we need to maintain relationships with visiting or even meeting for a quick coffee run , making plans on special Correct your spelling
governance
occations
and Correct your spelling
occasions
congratulate
each other with a heartwarming gift at Wrong verb form
congratulating
thier
door .
In Correct your spelling
their
the
conclution
, Correct your spelling
conclusion
technolog
and attending Correct your spelling
technology
work
are as important as a family, and Fix the infinitive
to work
interepting
the problem by pointing Correct your spelling
interpreting
the
Change preposition
out the
factors
is crucial to end
up with Change the verb form
ending
an effective solutions
in bringing the family bond alive again.Correct the article-noun agreement
effective solutions
an effective solution
Submitted by buhamadreham on
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is very positive. However, it would benefit from more detailed examples to support your points. Try to incorporate specific incidents or case studies wherever you can.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas need to be more clearly and logically organized. For example, break down your paragraphs more distinctly to separate different arguments. You could use transitional phrases to improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with spelling and grammar errors which can distract the reader. For instance, words like 'knitted,' 'technol,' 'govement,' 'iniviual' should be corrected. Proofreading your essay before submission can help reduce these errors.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing both causes and solutions.
task achievement
You did a good job balancing formal tone and personal viewpoints, especially in the second paragraph where you delve into causes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.