IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects . others believe it it more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification . discuss both these views and give your own oponion .

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification #oponion
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Nowadays , university students want to learn more about new
subjects
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 other than the
ones
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 they already are given .
While
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,
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apply
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some see that it is more important to devote their effort
into
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to
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 accelerating
into
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apply
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a qualification . But really do we need to add more
subjects
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 and more classes to each student that will probably make them more stressed i don't think so .
However
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, learning has become
repeatitive
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repetitive
 and a bit boring so by suggesting new
subjects
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 they will have a bit of change to their daily routine .
In addition
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 , the main
subjects
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 that are mandatory teach certain skills so to alleviate
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ones skills
Fix the agreement mistake
one skill
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 more we could add new
subjects
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 that teach new types of
skill
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skills
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such
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 as life skills
for example
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 and
time
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 management . 
On the other hand
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 , others think that it is better to put
your
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you're
you are
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 all into studying for a qualification which will be needed for future
imployment
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employment
 which
i
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I
show examples
 have to agree on . To
further
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 elaborate , the provided subject teach complex and sophisticated ideas so without doubt they will not be easy so it is important to devote your
time
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 and effort to them and
this
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 will be disturbed by adding new
subjects
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 which will result
to
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in
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 more stress and will distract from the main lessons and teachings . A simple example of
this
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 is that when
i
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I
show examples
 was a high school student a new wave of three new
subjects
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 where added to our
scheduale
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schedule
 which ended in many students getting low scores and having no
time
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 to focus on our main lessons
so
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apply
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obviously
this
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 system lasted no more than a year
due to
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 the decline in grades so could you imagine what university students will face .
To conclude
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 ,
i
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I
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 see that we cannot add new
subjects
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 on
topn
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top
 of the main
ones
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 so we should benefit from the good side of
this
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 idea by having weekly
selective
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elective
show examples
 classes for only those who want to join by doing that we will balance the
time
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 for each subject and will keep the main focus on the important
ones
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by aljouri50x50 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, phrases like 'Firstly, Secondly,' or 'However, Moreover' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
For better task achievement, consider balancing the discussion of both views equally and develop each point with more depth and examples.
task achievement
Clarify your position more explicitly in your introduction and conclusion. This helps in making your argument more compelling and clear to the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the discussion well.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views in the essay, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
task achievement
Personal anecdote adds a touch of relatability and depth to your arguments, making your points more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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