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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #women #men #asian #country #test #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of males and females who passed their driving exam in Asian
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females that passed the exam was the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest
, but the amount of both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 increased over
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
 period. The lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in
men
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 had the highest The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of both
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 who passed
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
 test in 2000, about 70% and just below 50% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the second
highet
Correct your spelling
highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in 2010, amount of females who passed the exam dropped to about 65% ,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 at the same level. In 1990, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who had
certificate
Correct article usage
a certificate
show examples
 after
passed
Change the form of the verb
passing
show examples
 their driving test was about 50%
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
below
Add a missing verb
were below
show examples
 40%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In 1980 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 was around 50 % which was two times higher than
Use synonyms
men
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 passed the test which was just below 30%.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Pass rate
  • Driving test
  • Trend
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Milestone
  • Comparison
  • Significant difference
  • Broad social changes
  • Policy changes
  • Surpass
  • Reflect
  • Implications
  • Disparity
  • Overall trends
  • Summarize
  • Statistical data
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