IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town. Leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #town #situation
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Over the
last
Linking Words
 few years, teenagers moving to
cities
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 has become one of the major
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problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that
people
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 should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
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While
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 lack of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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 in
villages
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 and there are better living and education in
cities
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 are claimed to be the main reasons behind
this
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 issue, there are some effective
solutions
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 that can be applied. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss major reasons and effective
solutions
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of
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to
show examples
this
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problem
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. On the one hand, there are several factors behind the issue of young
people
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 transfer to
cities
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. The first driving force behind
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 decreasing of agriculture.
For instance
Linking Words
, lack of employees in
villages
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 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers are leaving the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. So agriculture is reducing dramatically and
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 of
agriculture's
Change noun form
agriculture
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 products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing sharply. Another important
problem
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of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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 issue
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 that living in
cities
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 is difficult.
That is
Linking Words
 because the number of
people
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 who live in
cities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 going up. So
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 industry, services and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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sectors
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sector's
sectors'
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 activities are going down.
On the other hand
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, despite the fact that young
people
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 moving to
cities
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 is a serious
problem
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, there are some reliable
solutions
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 to it. The first viable solution to
this
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problem
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 is that pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
villages
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
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 places,
libraries
Fix the agreement mistake
library
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 construction,
developing
Replace the word
development
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 of schools and education.
In other words
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,
Correct article usage
the condition
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 of living
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villages
Change preposition
in villages
show examples
 should
to
Add a missing verb
be to
show examples
 equal than
cities
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. Another significant way by which
this
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problem
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 can be tackled is
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 encourage
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business in
villages
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. The reason for
this
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 is that the number of services improving and creating new jobs by moving factories to
villages
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 teenagers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
leaving
villages
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 is a serious
problem
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that is
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 creating many negative effects, it can be addressed with the
solutions
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 that have been mentioned above.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Some points in the essay are generalized and lack depth. Adding more detailed explanations and relevant examples will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a logical flow between the paragraphs. Try to avoid repetitive phrases and aim to vary the sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the problems and the solutions related to young people moving to cities, which shows a clear attempt to respond to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
What to do next:
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