IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town. Leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #town #situation
Over the
last
 few years, teenagers moving to
cities
 has become one of the major
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
people
 should pay attention
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
While
 lack of
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
 in
villages
 and there are better living and education in
cities
 are claimed to be the main reasons behind
this
 issue, there are some effective
solutions
 that can be applied. In
this
 essay, I will discuss major reasons and effective
solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
problem
. On the one hand, there are several factors behind the issue of young
people
 transfer to
cities
. The first driving force behind
this
problem
 is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 decreasing of agriculture.
For instance
, lack of employees in
villages
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers are leaving the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. So agriculture is reducing dramatically and
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of
agriculture's
Change noun form
agriculture
show examples
 products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing sharply. Another important
problem
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 issue
can be
Wrong verb form
is
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 that living in
cities
 is difficult.
That is
 because the number of
people
 who live in
cities
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 going up. So
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 industry, services and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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sectors
Change noun form
sector's
sectors'
show examples
 activities are going down.
On the other hand
, despite the fact that young
people
 moving to
cities
 is a serious
problem
, there are some reliable
solutions
 to it. The first viable solution to
this
problem
 is that pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
villages
.
For example
,
entertaining
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entertainment
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 places,
libraries
Fix the agreement mistake
library
show examples
 construction,
developing
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development
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 of schools and education.
In other words
,
Correct article usage
the condition
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 of living
villages
Change preposition
in villages
show examples
 should
to
Add a missing verb
be to
show examples
 equal than
cities
. Another significant way by which
this
problem
 can be tackled is
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 encourage
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business in
villages
. The reason for
this
 is that the number of services improving and creating new jobs by moving factories to
villages
.
To conclude
,
although
 teenagers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
leaving
villages
 is a serious
problem
that is
 creating many negative effects, it can be addressed with the
solutions
 that have been mentioned above.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task achievement
Work on providing clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Some points in the essay are generalized and lack depth. Adding more detailed explanations and relevant examples will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a logical flow between the paragraphs. Try to avoid repetitive phrases and aim to vary the sentence structures to make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in framing the essay well.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the problems and the solutions related to young people moving to cities, which shows a clear attempt to respond to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
What to do next:
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