People living in large cities today face many problems in their everyday lives. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?
Although
living in a large city
can be beneficial for some reasons, living in this
kind of place have
more Correct subject-verb agreement
has
problems
to handle on a daily basis. For those matter
, I strongly argue the argument to relocate individuals to a different town.
There are a few Fix the agreement mistake
matters
problems
that appeared
in metropolitan Wrong verb form
appear
city
because more and more Fix the agreement mistake
cities
people
reside and moved
from other places. Wrong verb form
move
Firstly
, traffic congestion which caused
by many cars and motorcycles Add a missing verb
is caused
in
the main road, especially in rush hour when many Change preposition
on
people
go and
backRephrase
back and
for
their Change preposition
to
job
or school. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Furthermore
, this
trend produces a lot of pollution which poses a risk to all people
particularly older people
and children. For example
, Jakarta which is a
capital Correct article usage
the
city
of Indonesia known as a crowd
Change the verb form
crowded
city
full of traffic jams and pollutions
. Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
Therefore
, these problems
should be overcome by regulating the system comprehensively, instead
of relocate
Change the verb form
relocating
citizen
to Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
other town
.
Based on the facts that Change the wording
another town
other towns
already
Add a missing verb
have already
mentioned
, some measures should be taken in order to solve these Add a missing verb
been mentioned
problems
.The government should provide more public transportation which connect
and integrate between Change the verb form
connects
outer
Add an article
the outer
city
and Correct article usage
the center
center
Change the spelling
centre
city
. By providing these facilities it can reduce the vehicles
Change noun form
vehicle's
vehicles'
dense
and Replace the word
density
also
the rate of pollutions
will decrease significantly. Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
Moreover
, the authority
have to impose Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
the
strict Correct article usage
apply
rule
regarding car Fix the agreement mistake
rules
emission
that should meet the Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
treshold
. Correct your spelling
threshold
For instance
, Tokyo city
has succesed
Correct your spelling
succeed
succeeded
to reach
Change preposition
in reaching
clean
air Correct article usage
a clean
city
by controlling the
car Correct article usage
apply
emission
. Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
Thus
, this
role could be implied in Jakarta to solve its issues.
To conclude
, living in big
Correct article usage
a big
city
indeed resulting many problems
for many people
such
as traffic congestion and pollution. The best way to overcome these problems
is not relocating
the residents, but the Government should provide public transportation and apply strict Change the verb form
to relocate
regulation
.Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
Submitted by mfmakarim55 on
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task response
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument. While you discuss transportation and pollution issues effectively, try to link them more directly to the overall topic of whether relocation should be encouraged.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices and linking words to connect your ideas and sentences better. Examples include 'in addition', 'moreover', 'consequently', and 'as a result'.
general
Avoid small grammatical errors and focus on sentence variety to enhance clarity. For instance, 'live and move' instead of 'reside and moved', and 'the dense traffic' instead of 'vehicles dense'.
general
Make an effort to diversify vocabulary to avoid repetition. Instead of using 'city' repeatedly, consider synonyms like 'urban area', 'metropolis', or 'municipality'.
task response
The introduction effectively presents the topic and states a clear position.
task response
Good use of specific examples to illustrate the problems of traffic congestion and pollution.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-structured format with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You successfully used examples such as Jakarta and Tokyo to support your arguments, which adds credibility and depth to your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?